Snow Globe Buddha Offers Greetings

Okay here's a Christmas Koan. What kind of holiday card do you send to your Buddhist friends? Is that like the joke, what did the Buddhist find when he opened his Christmas present? Emptiness. I know this is okay because you've come to expect complete foolishness from me if you pop by here now and then. I don't bill myself as a Zen fool for no reason at all!

I did this little mixed media piece last year (it's sold) and decided it would make a nice little holiday card. I've been searching around for the perfect quote. This morning on Tricycle's Daily Dharma there it was waiting courtesy of Sylvia Boorstein: "(I often think about the snow globes with lovely scenes at their center, scenes hidden from view as long as the “snow” is shaken up. Once the globe is left alone on a steady surface, the snow settles, and what is meant to be seen is revealed.)" I have simply used the last part of the quote "the snow settles and what is meant to be seen is revealed." And a little shameless shilling - they are for sale on Etsy if the fancy overtakes you!

It's a great thought actually because it is so habitual for us to be stirring things up. I have heard Dharma talks with the same message based on a glass of water and sand or a lake, but the stirring of silt and mud all have the same effect. These liquids and their swirling bits are offered to us as reminders that running here and there, with our incessant chatter and pouring over things simply muddy the water. If you are engaged in a regular sitting practice you will know how helpful it is to just sit; how sometimes the answers or solutions to problems just arrive as you sit. Or the problems loosen their grip on you. But we also know how difficult this is when life puts a little squeeze on us. It's hard to stop shaking that globe. We just grasp it as hard as we can and shake and shake.

Our wanting to make things happen, to have things go our way, our sense that we are in control; these are the things that cause us to grab that lovely clear snow globe and shake the dickens out of it. We think all the shaking will make the snow land in just the loveliest little drifts that will please us, but in reality life doesn't work this way. Yes our actions have consequences, but we are not privy to all the things that go into creating the results. So here is the Buddha in all his lovely hot pinkness offering up holiday greetings and Dharma from within his little enso of a snow globe.

What are you shaking up in your world today?

Shirley Valentine Meets The Buddha

Peace Garden - Original Mixed Media

Matted 8"x 8"   Image Dimensions 3.75"x 4.5"

$25  free shipping in North America

This mixed media piece incorporates a sepia tone photo of  a Buddha statue from a Zen temple with some calligraphy paper that has been stamped and painted with acrylics and walnut ink and finished with some calligraphy pen work.  For me it has the feeling of a serene Japanese garden or a waterfall with the cool mossy greens.

I could talk about gardening which seems to be on everyone's mind these days.  But what I really want to talk about is the play we saw this evening  ....  Shirley Valentine.  A one woman show by Willy Russell, the production we saw at the Chemainus Theatre was a fundraiser for the theatre by the amazing Nicola Cavendish.  

Ostensibly it's about a middle aged woman, bored with her life who runs away to Greece.  But when you get past the personal details of her story, the protagonist could be talking about anyone.  She comes to see that her crime against God is her "unused life."  She realizes that at some point along the way she has stopped being alive.  She remarks that it's not as if something  happened that caused  it (as in the neighbour came home and found her husband sleeping with the milkman) but that gradually little by little her life grew smaller.

 I could hear the Dharma echoing through the play.  For me, if you scratch the surface of any good art, you will always find the Dharma peeking out.  The play provides an apt description of  how we choose comfort instead of the unknown, how we choose the stupefying boredom of the familiar and easy until that becomes our way of life or lack of life.  We are unhappy and we don't know why.  

 The Dharma reminds us to regard our lives as precious.  If we think deeply about our lives and try to live with some awareness,  we will sometimes make the difficult choice.  And often it is the difficult choice that leads us to a sense of aliveness.  We make these choices not simply because they are difficult but because they are right for us at this time.  They offer an opportunity to wake up.  Sometimes we need a big jolt to remind us to live our lives.  We may cruise along on auto pilot until we get an unwanted medical diagnosis or someone near to us dies or leaves us.  But Shirley Valentine's invitation to wake up and be truly alive is a ticket to Greece given to her by a friend. 

I think we all need that invitation, that ticket out of that reclining easy chair.  Have you picked up your ticket yet?  For me I need to get that invitation out on a daily basis and look at it.  Otherwise I might be duking it out with the cats and dogs for the most comfortable seat in the house. 

Who Is Thinking These Thoughts Anyway?

Moon Buddha - Original Mixed Media On Matte Board 

 8"x 8" Matte  3.75"x4.5" Inside Dimensions 

$25   includes  free shipping in North America

I have learned something today.  You can blog late into the night and that works just fine.  You can even paint ( a bit trickier because of lighting) or do design work late into the night but it is next to impossible to take a good photo of your work after the day has morphed into evening.  You see where I'm going with this....  So I am keeping honest.  I did create a new piece of art today but alas by the time I was done it was too late to capture with the magic box, so you are seeing a brother to the Brush Buddha of Day 1.  I was having so much fun I did several of these.  Just goes to show that it never hurts to have a spare Buddha in the freezer.  You never know when someone is going to drop by.

The fun part about today's piece of art is that it is very different from the two days that went before.  I have my own little surprise factory.  I never know what is going to come out of the studio's easy bake oven (remember those?)  It reminds me that we don't really know our own minds.  They are a mystery to us in so many amazing ways.  I can create something and be as surprised as if I am a stranger at what has appeared on the page.  It's kind of delightful.  It makes me wonder, who am I anyway?  And where do my thoughts and inspirations come from?  In a way these surprises that appear are like little road signs pointing toward the illusory nature of the self, the fact that no solid, substantial self exists.  It is always moving and changing and becoming something else.  It is not that solid, pinchable me that I normally take myself to be.

The little buddha in today's post is done on a page from a small chapter book I purchased at my door about 12 years ago.  A young man was selling two little books he had written, door to door.  I don't remember how much they were or if he left it up to the purchaser to decide but I was so taken with his bravery in doing this that I had to buy them.  If I remember correctly his name was Stephen Parks.  Sometimes I wonder where he is now and what he's doing. I liked his writing but over the years I have used his art to make mine.  One thing is always becoming another.  Impermanence, yes?

And so that is my story for today.  I have learned about shadows and the mysterious nature of the self, the odd things the mind remembers and how it is all part of the ever changing landscape.  

Day 100 - A Ferry Ride With The Buddha

Well  this is it the 100th day of Dharma. How did that happen?  That might be my cue to talk about impermanence but I don't think I will.  A hundred days can pass and we hardly remember what happened between then and now, such is the fleeting nature of life. I love this quote attributed to the Buddha, "This life of separateness may be compared to a dream, a phantasm, a bubble, a shadow, a drop of dew, a flash of lightning."  So how important are all those little things that go on in between then and now.  I'm thinking about the things we fret about; mostly gone without a trace.  That's instructive for how to live our lives, don't you think?

But that's not really what I want to talk about right now.  My bedtime reading has been the Dhammapada for the last little while (I'm still on the intro!).  Last night I was reading about "Turning the Wheel of the Dharma" and it felt like it had some significance in terms of my 100 Days of Dharma.  That's what we're doing here aren't we, turning the wheel of the Dharma, thinking about our lives in terms of the Dharma, considering the teachings of the Buddha and then adjusting our daily course according to what we find and what it seems good to do.

After his enlightenment when the Buddha was questioned about who he was he answered "I am awake" (budh, from the sanskrit root, to wake up).  When he started teaching he said:  "I have found the deathless, the unconditioned: I have seen life as it is."  And really isn't that what we're aiming for, the truth, the end of suffering when we practice.  To see our lives like the movies or dramas they are and watch them, unattached, with joy and amusement and sometimes with a great big hanky.  That is the aim I think, to be passionately involved in life and at the same time know that it's all okay.  Haven't we simply been inspired by figures like the Buddha to believe that it is possible to attain this state.  They say that he was pictured as a ferryman asking the question, "Anyone for the other shore?"  Man I'm interested in one of those tickets! 

And what's the fare?  Well it's not cheap.  And the seats?  Best in the house.  The meditation cushion.  Such an important thing to remember, that the key to practice, to attainment is sitting, the foundation of all our work with the Dharma.  How did the Buddha attain Nirvana, not from talking or reading, or wandering, or thinking but through disciplined  sitting.  He sat through all the assaults of Mara, through desire and doubt.  Without the sitting we won't make much progress and even with the sitting it is a lifetime process.  So I am thinking about the important things today and sitting is one of them.  And I think part of why I decided to write 100 Days of Dharma is for the discipline, which is the same as getting to the cushion, doing what needs to be done, over and over and over.  Building that muscle to do it whether we feel like it or not, whether we are tired, or depressed, or grumpy, or sick, or ecstatically joyful, or filled with unrest.

And why do we study the Dharma?  Why do I sit?  Well I think we always start with the wish to free ourselves from suffering.  And as time goes on, whether consciously or unconsciously we are adding to the compassion in the world, we are sending off little threads of wisdom and compassion without even knowing it, kind of like little human prayer flags.  We contribute to the world in a positive way.  Just by looking at what we do and making choices, active informed choices about how to live our lives.  And perhaps as time goes on our presence becomes a little calmer, more grounded and just our energy contributes in a positive way to the world.  This is what we are doing I think, one person at a time, one day at a time, one breath at a time.

So while 100 Days of Dharma have passed, I will continue to write about life and the Dharma as things come up that seem important to me.  It has been interesting to see that I was never really stumped for a topic, that something always presented itself, though I often wondered if it would.  Maybe I'd run dry like an old well and just cough and choke and sputter out some letters of the alphabet and embarrass myself in public (maybe I have and I am too dense to notice!)  So it has been a real privilege to share a 100 Days of Dharma with you and I expect we will continue to visit as we all have purchased a lifetime ticket to the other shore.  May your journey be a good one, filled with joy and sorrow and passion and gusto.

Bows to you all.

With A Little Help From My Friends

This little 6x6 is hot off the easel and just in time as I'm running out of art to post.  I am a slow creator and labour over things until I like them.  There is a matching half (another little 6x6) which I will post tomorrow that shows the other side of the Buddha!  Imagine that cutting the Buddha in half, eek!  The words on the painting (that look like they need a little touch up!) are attributed to the Buddha, via the Dhamapada, according to my google search!  It is a much longer poem (maybe I have to do a whole series of little paintings called the Dhamapada? to hold the entire piece because it is quite lovely)

I have to offer many bows to those who shared their personal wisdom with me after yesterday's writing about my mother.  I realize in many ways this is such an opportunity for both my mother and I to be differently in the world.  Today as impermanence would have it my mother actually sounded cheerful when I spoke with her on the phone.  Perhaps there is some relief in her deciding what she wants to do.

 She wanted to talk quite reasonably about her will.  And because my practice has shown me the value of contemplation (and I had engaged in some last night and this morning)  I could, without malice or judgement talk to her about some things she wanted to put in the will that were clearly aimed at people or that might create disharmony after her death.  I could ask her if that was what she wanted to leave behind (and given the opportunity to consider, she said no) and agreed that the bits of "stuff" were not important enough to leave behind hard feelings.

I could tell her that she needed to tell my brother and sister about her choice to discontinue meds.  She wasn't sure that she wanted to do that.  But I felt clear, given her normal modus operandi that this was important for her to do.  Not only would it be about her being clear with people, it would open up a window for heart to heart communication if my brother or sister wanted to go there.  I reminded her that they were her children and should be informed by her, just as I was.  She agreed to my surprise.  In the past my mother has used me (and I have allowed this) as a buffer between her and the world.  I am clear that I no longer wish to assume this role.  It creates hard feelings in the family, denies my mother the opportunity to connect with others, and places undue responsibility on me (which creates resentment in me).  I feel clear that my refusal to assume this long standing role helps both me and my mother.  If I make mistakes (life is always an ongoing experiment) I can adjust my course from my new vista in the landscape.  But a considered response from a non-reactive place is a good starting point.

So this is the Dharma of everyday life.  There it is all laid out before me: impermanence, contemplation, a little right understanding and right action, the fact that life is an experiment and that we are always adjusting our course.  And the fact that the joy and the suffering are always right there, intertwined in their yin & yang kind of way.  And the miracle is  that all this makes life rich and full, chunky and savoury, like some lovely hearty stew, instead of that thin watery broth that the TV and magazine adverts try to sell us. 

The Energy of Community

Today was our last qi gong class until September.  I will miss this intensive 4 hours of practice each week.  It reminds me of how important community is.  It was listening to more advanced students talk about their experience of chi that encouraged me to sit longer and actually experience the difference, to see how much stronger the experience of chi is when you sit for an hour instead of 1/2 hour or 45 minutes.

But what I was really reminded of today was how strong the chi is when you sit with the group, how we all build and share and surf on each others presence and energy.  It is so beneficial and encouraging to feel this.  And if you've never sat with a group, you might feel surprised by this experience.  I don't think there is anyone who doesn't notice the power of group sittings.

I remember this too from when I sat with the Zen Sangha that I belonged to for 4 years, how there was an energy that deepened our meditation when we sat and walked together.  And the energy at the Buddhist temple where we would go on retreat was even stronger.

It seems in our everyday world, especially here in the west we don't think much about this  invisible energy, how it is part of our life, present in each person and available for cultivation of health, awareness and well being.  We can't see it or hear it, or taste it, or smell it in any usual way, and so it seems to the modern western mind that it doesn't exist.  It is kind of sad really, that the rational, scientific mind has pre-empted so much of our experience.  The invisible part of the universe is unavailable to most westerners.  We know that blood circulates in the body because when we cut ourselves we see it, but chi, where is that?  It's like we lost our way at some point in the evolutionary process.  We took the big super highway of the material world (headed over to Walmart)  and left the narrower roads  of the unseen spirit, chi or energy,  to grow weeds and become unused footpaths.

I guess I am unravelling two threads here, one that meanders down the path of what we have lost by neglecting the invisible world of spirit and energy, a whole topic of it's own really.  And the other thread is attached to community.  And yet when the community thread came up today it was attached to the thread of energy and spirit.  I have thought a lot about both these things over the years.  When I look at what's missing in a lot of people's lives I sense it is both of these things, a sense of belonging and sharing and a sense of the deeper meaning of life. 

 It is that sense of connection that human beings long for at some level, that collective embrace that makes us relax and feel at home here in the world.  And I think our restlessness and anxiety is somehow fueled by the lack of the spiritual, by  not approaching questions like what are we here for, what is our mission, how do we decide what is important to do and how to behave toward our fellow beings and the earth we live on.  If you combine a sense of community with spirit, or unseen energy, it seems to me you end up with something very powerful.  In Buddhism, the community of spiritual practitioners is considered one of the three treasures or jewels, Buddha, Dharma and Sangha.  And true Sangha provides this sense of community of those on the path.  

So that's what I'm thinking about today and since landing here  in the blogoshpere I have sensed I have joined another Sangha, one that stretches out toward you, in invisible space, boundless and without end.  Bows to you all, cyber sangha!

Shadow of the Buddha

Here's my Sunday Shadow Shot, taken on Saturday.  Yesterday was a day of protest here in Victoria, and I assume around the world to bring increased recognition to the situation in Tibet.  So the little shot here is Buddha on a table with the shadow of some Tibetan prayer flags waving in the background.  The prayer flags are a shadow but reflected in the French Doors on the other side of the bedroom, if that makes any sense.  Check out all the great shots by linking through to Hey Harriet's blog.  

From Thought To Destiny

Today  we stopped in to visit my mother who is 94.  When we were leaving she said to us, "Come back soon and I'll tell you the story of my life and why I'm so queer."  Now this sounds amusing.  And in fact I smiled when she said it.  There was a definite oddness to it as if she might be addressing a stranger (and sometimes the people closest to us are strangers on a deeper level).  

At 94 my mother is just starting to loose her sharpness (I mean this in more ways than one) and her memory and general health are noticeably declining.  I am touched by how bent and crooked she is when we take a little walk.  What I am reminded of when I look at her is the human condition that the Buddha discovered after leaving the palace where he spent his youth.  There is sickness, old age and death.  Now if you think that is morbid or depressing to mention, just look around you.  It is merely a fact.  And one of the points of knowing the facts is that you won't be surprised when it happens to you or those nearest and dearest to you.  (So easier said than done.)

We take great pains in our sanitized, Disneyfied, celebrity obsessed world to avoid  these truths.  We do everything we can to airbrush the truth.  I have nothing against health, in fact I do many things to look after my own.  But I refuse to be botoxed and lifted and tucked and liposuctioned and all that really desperate stuff.  In time we will all age and die.  Could we do this with some grace, some awareness, some acceptance of what is?  I hope I can.  And that's the direction I am pointing myself in.  But like all feature films the end will tell the tale.

But I have strayed a little from what I was thinking originally when my mother said "come and I'll tell you the story of why I am so queer."  It reminded me that's exactly what we are,  we are  walking stories.  We are like a giant chapter book by the end of our lives, maybe each chapter builds on the last, or some seem disconnected but we are self created stories.  My mother thinks she is a tragedy.  And there have been lots of difficult chapters in her life.  My story is not so easily defined, at least not by me.  I think other books are easier to read than our own.  Like all good stories mine has had some tragedy, some drama, some suspense, some funny bits, some foolishness.  But in Buddhist thought the self is really an illusion, if we look hard enough, as they do in Buddhist logic, we can't find a solid, tangible self anywhere.  But we think for some bizarre reason that we are these fixed entities, solid and real.   And in doing this we tell ourselves a lie, a lie that traps us in our story.  

My mother has popped her story into the oven of time and she has come out bitter on the outside and sad on the inside.  She is a victim of her own making, trapped inside that hard, solid crust.  In that way she is not so different from most of us.  How many of us blame our childhood or parents or circumstances for "how we are"?  How many of us think it's impossible for us to do certain things, to be different than we are?  

And here is the postcard version of how we end up in this position.  It's a quote I've heard but can't track down its source.  "Sew a thought, reap an action, sew an action reap a habit, sew a habit, reap a character, sew a character, reap a destiny."  It starts out so innocently with that thought that we believe.  So what are you believing today?  What are you believing today that will create your tomorrow?  Our work is to shine that little dollar store flashlight in our pocket on that thought and see it for what it is.  Just a thought, neither good or bad, just a thought, part of the passing scenery, a little puff of mind smoke.  Now on to the next moment.

Enlarging The Universe

I'm thinking about creativity today because I was really inspired this morning when I looked around my cyber neighbour- hood and found even more people out there doing creative things.  One of my big inspirations for the day came courtesy of Gallery Juana.  She was writing about her washing machine as suggested by Keri Smith (100 Ideas), a virtual tornado of creativity.  I'd seen her name mentioned before but this was the tipping point for me.  I had to go check her out. She has just published the cutest little book called "How To Be An Explorer Of Your Own World"

As I read the excerpted parts she posted on her website I was struck by how Buddhist it seemed and secondly what good common sense advice  (both her advice and Buddhist practice) for living whether you do art or not.  I think we are all artists ultimately (and this is a conclusion Smith draws)  and that we are our own original works of art, always works in progress. How we live our lives becomes our medium, paint, ink, blood, clay.   I've always thought collage was a good little metaphor for how I create myself, drawing a little bit from here and there and assembling it in new and different ways.

Explore, pay attention to detail Smith suggests.  Well there it is, awareness, mindfulness, whatever you want to call it, a primary tenet of Buddhist practice.  This paying attention reminds us how rich life is with delicious details.  "Everything is interesting," she says.  Paying attention serves to pull us away from our lazy habit of sliding over things, getting caught up in the little soap opera going on in our heads.  Gather things, collect bits.   In her list of 100 Ideas she says "draw your dinner" or " illustrate your shopping list".  It's creative, it's fun and it helps direct the mind to paying attention.  We only get to live this life once, we might as well wake up and appreciate it, the sorrows, the joys.

She also suggests we lighten up which in my mind is an important aspect of Zen training.  We often take ourselves and our little lives way too seriously, mooning, moping and worrying about so many little things.  Someone once told me a story of telling their troubles to a Zen master and he just kept saying, "it doesn't matter".  How much stress do we create for ourselves worrying about things that are beyond our control or really "don't matter" when it all gets thrown into the cosmic soup pot.

"Be open to what you don't know"  Smith encourages and this reminds me that we are always standing on the edge of the unknown.  It also reminds me that we have more options than we think, something my Zen teacher likes to point out to students when we feel boxed into a corner.  If we're open we can see possibilities that otherwise remain in the shadows for us.  Sometimes just saying "I don't know" opens up a world of possibilities.  It's humbling too and that is always a good thing.

"Be a detective" Smith urges.  And Buddhism always suggests we examine Buddhist ideas for ourselves.  See if they are true for us, make them our own.  Does attachment really lead to suffering? Explore that in your life and see if it is true for you.  Examine your daily behaviour, do some of your actions lead to suffering?  What might you do differently?  Think about things like right speech.  How do you feel after you say something unpleasant to someone or about someone?  And all the while remembering not to beat yourself up with the answers you get, that's the hard part sometimes.

As I walk out into this creative and interesting evening I feel grateful to be exploring this wonderful creative online world.  So many wonderful inspiring ideas are flying around and filling my head.  I am encouraged to keep that sketch book active and alive and create little bits of experimental art here and there.  I encourage you to open up to your own awesome creative possibilities.

I will let John Daido Loori have the closing words (from "The Zen of Creativity")  "Through our art we bring into existence something that did not previously exist.  We enlarge the universe."

Etsy, Blogging And Acts of Generosity

I am thinking about generosity today.  It is one of the ten perfections in Buddhism.  My heart was warmed last night as I cruised the internet.  Can you believe that?  I was kinda surprised myself.   Mostly on the internet I expect to find enough information to make my head burst open but I'd never really thought of it as a place to experience generosity.

When I first joined etsy and the blogging world in December, I was bowled over by the creativity that's out there.  Not only was creativity alive and well in this age of mediocrity it seemed boundless.  Maybe the world wasn't go to hell in a hand basket as my mother likes to tell me.

My first experience of  computer generated generosity came from some of the forums on etsy, where people with lots of knowledge about etsy were sharing it freely with "newbies" like me.  Then I found Timothy Adam's websites, including Handmadeology which struck me as both clever and generous.  This guy has built up a wealth of knowledge over the years selling his gorgeous metal art on line and he has websites dedicated to sharing this info and promoting other artists.  Now, sure it helps his sales (this is called 'enlightened self interest' in Buddhism) but it is also an act of generosity.  He doesn't have to do this.  In fact some people might think they were better off if they kept all their hard won knowledge to themselves.  Does Walmart offer free 'How To' tips to the little corner hardware store on how to run it's business?  But  Adam has figured out a  win/win way to do business.  He shares.  People visit his sites.  He makes a living doing what he loves.  We're all wiser and happier.  And a new cooperative paradigm for making a living evolves.

Sylvia Boorstein in her book "Pay Attention, For Goodness" Sake" says this about generosity:  "Generous acts are a relief because they connect. They are always in relationship. They can't be isolating.  And generous acts don't require some thing to give away.  I understand the Buddha's statement "We all have something we could give away" as including in addition to material possessions --companionship, comfort, encouragement and care."

So Adam is offering encouragement and care.  As are the people who have created the "Sneak Attack" on Etsy.  I saw the title on a forum and had to check it out.  What the heck is a sneak attack, I wondered.  Sounds kind of like a swarming.  Well it is, but it's a swarming of generosity!  On the sneak attack website, they post an etsy seller who is new and/ or has low sales and as many people as choose to, go and sneak up on the seller at an appointed time and buy stuff from them.  Now how cool and generous is that.  This is real empathy combined with action ... the will to offer encouragement and support to people you don't even know, who you understand through your own similar experience, are probably feeling a bit down at the mouth.  Another tenet of Buddhism is exhibited here, recognizing that we're all the same.  If I suffer, I can expect that you experience suffering as well.

Then I discovered the "Etsy Stalker" whose byline is "where internet stalking is a good thing".  The esty stalkers find sites that they like and promote them on their website.  This helps visibility, traffic and sales for the "stalked" and gives some profile to the stalkers as well.  Needless to say another creative two headed act of generosity.  There are other people out there on the forums doing similar things and many I'm sure I have yet to discover.

I do find the artists I've encountered on the blogs and etsy a most generous bunch, willing to share artistic tips and knowledge and marketing info.  It's a whole different business and living paradigm. .... creating a kinder more generous business environment.  Like Buddhism that says hey, we're all in this human experience together; I get the same feeling, for the most part from the  handmade movement .   We're all in this together, let's support each other.  Lots of bartering and hearting and generous ratings go on.   

And the final words go to the Buddha:  "Generosity brings happiness at every stage of its expression.  We experience joy in forming the intention to be generous.  We experience joy in the actual act of giving something.  And we experience joy in remembering the fact that we have given."   Pass it on.

I am not the Buddha

"I am not the Buddha."  I made that comment to my friend the Zen monk after telling her a little story about how I decided that I could only do family house guests for 4 or 5 days rather than a two week visit as requested.  The decision was made with a lot of care and consideration and contemplation.  I had to acknowledge my own limitations and my place on the path.  I knew the potential suffering that can come from hoping to act in ways, that are past where I am, if that makes any sense to you.  I sometimes wish I were more generous, compassionate, more tolerant, but there you have it.  While this does not stand against me making an effort to be these things, to aspire to higher ideals, I must be realistic of what I can pull off without getting myself in more trouble and ultimately creating more suffering and karma for all involved. It is a tricky business!  It is much more flattering to think I am kind, compassionate, generous and nice but truth is I am not always these things. Gasp!  ouch, the truth is a prickly customer sometimes!

I was reminded of the fact that "I am not a Buddha" today when I went to do my last little bit of business regarding the fender bender I was involved in the other day.  I had an appointment to see the government insurance company that determines liability.  As I readied myself to g to the appointment I could hear my self cherishing point of view that I was right....  Man, that is a hard one to let go of.  And during the interview I could hear that irritation rising in my voice as the agent questioned me in a confrontational manner.  In the end she decided I was not at fault.  I felt tired after the whole event and wished it had not stirred so much emotion in me.  I wished I could have been like the monk in the story who when wrongly accused of being the father of a young girls baby simply nods, saying "is that so?"  and accepts the baby to look after.  But alas here I am, little me, with all my stuff, attached to my opinions and point of view, easily roused from equanimity.

And while it is good to acknowledge the truth of where we are (how else can we change?)  I am learning  it is also important to cut ourselves a little slack, be kind to the vulnerable humans that we are.  It's okay to be where we are and it doesn't stand against the fact that as my teacher would say "we can do better."  I realized one thing I could do better here, was pay more attention.  I realized during the whole accident process I didn't pay enough attention to the details.  I wanted (attachment) it to be an amicable transaction so I was not as careful as I should have been.  My inclination toward "niceness" actually worked against me.  I needed to be a little more careful and vigilant.  

And always, everyday I find there is something for me to learn, something that helps me stretch further in the direction of wisdom and compassion.  So while it may not always be fun, it is always worthwhile.

This little mixed media is a contemporary take on a thanka with all the little Buddhas in their circles. It seems to go with the writing, the various sizes and colours of Buddhas speaking to our various places on the path.