Zendot Turns Two, No Tantrums, Please, We're Buddhist

Two years ago today, I wrote my first post on blogger. I was dipping my toe into the cyber ink pot (now that's better than ambidextrous, don't you think?). I had posted some art on etsy and the etsy tips suggested a blog was a good thing. Sure why not. I didn't have a clear idea of where I was going but I pulled on my blogger boots and headed off down the trail, posting my first piece of art called "Post Apocalyptic Buddhist Graffiti" Three passions bumped into each other on the trail, my love of writing, exploring the Dharma and art. Here was a place they could hang out together, meet, shake hands, have a coffee, do the hokey pokey, anything within the boundaries of reasonably good taste. It didn't really matter if anyone read what fell in the blogger forest, I was balancing precariously on a little cyber soap box. It felt like a strange mix of offering and opportunity.

It has been an interesting journey, sometimes with many consecutive days of disciplined writing (100 days of Dharma) and as a personal challenge, 30 days of art. At some point I decided I didn't want to post everyday just for the sake of posting. I wanted to write when something in my life or on my mind beckoned me to the page.

I found Dharma friends along the way and blogs that resonated with me, bloggers filled with wisdom and passion who offered sips and deep drinks from their wells. My Dharma has always been about the koan of everyday life, not so much what I find in books or scriptures. It has been my aim to share my life with some transparency without being too much of a Zen Soap Opera. I try to balance the suffering with some joy and find the Charlie Chaplin in the suffering. Irreverence and foolishness are important qualities to me and I try to bake a little into each batch of Dharma biscuits.

The little paper doll Buddhas in the picture above are sharing the coffee table with a book called "Pain Free" (it's written by a physiotherapist, no Dharma intended) but it struck me that often that's what we're up to, trying to escape from our pain, whatever it might be. I have been learning that pain is a little like the monsters in nightmares, you've just got to turn around and look them in the eye. I have been learning that there is so much sweetness and wisdom in the darkness, in the pain. It is full and ripe and just what you need. You just have to learn how to shine the little bike light from your Christmas stocking on it and find the hidden treasures.



That first Dec 30th, 2008 blog post contained these words from the Dalai Lama:

"Every day, think as you wake up, today I am fortunate to have woken up. I am alive. I have a precious human life. I am not going to waste it. I am going to use all my energies to develop myself, to expand my heart out to others, to achieve enlightenment for the benefit of all beings. I am going to have kind thougths towards others. I am not going to get angry or think badly about others. I am going to benefit others as much as I can."

What more can we ask for really to wake up each day with the aim to "wake up"?

Day 100 - A Ferry Ride With The Buddha

Well  this is it the 100th day of Dharma. How did that happen?  That might be my cue to talk about impermanence but I don't think I will.  A hundred days can pass and we hardly remember what happened between then and now, such is the fleeting nature of life. I love this quote attributed to the Buddha, "This life of separateness may be compared to a dream, a phantasm, a bubble, a shadow, a drop of dew, a flash of lightning."  So how important are all those little things that go on in between then and now.  I'm thinking about the things we fret about; mostly gone without a trace.  That's instructive for how to live our lives, don't you think?

But that's not really what I want to talk about right now.  My bedtime reading has been the Dhammapada for the last little while (I'm still on the intro!).  Last night I was reading about "Turning the Wheel of the Dharma" and it felt like it had some significance in terms of my 100 Days of Dharma.  That's what we're doing here aren't we, turning the wheel of the Dharma, thinking about our lives in terms of the Dharma, considering the teachings of the Buddha and then adjusting our daily course according to what we find and what it seems good to do.

After his enlightenment when the Buddha was questioned about who he was he answered "I am awake" (budh, from the sanskrit root, to wake up).  When he started teaching he said:  "I have found the deathless, the unconditioned: I have seen life as it is."  And really isn't that what we're aiming for, the truth, the end of suffering when we practice.  To see our lives like the movies or dramas they are and watch them, unattached, with joy and amusement and sometimes with a great big hanky.  That is the aim I think, to be passionately involved in life and at the same time know that it's all okay.  Haven't we simply been inspired by figures like the Buddha to believe that it is possible to attain this state.  They say that he was pictured as a ferryman asking the question, "Anyone for the other shore?"  Man I'm interested in one of those tickets! 

And what's the fare?  Well it's not cheap.  And the seats?  Best in the house.  The meditation cushion.  Such an important thing to remember, that the key to practice, to attainment is sitting, the foundation of all our work with the Dharma.  How did the Buddha attain Nirvana, not from talking or reading, or wandering, or thinking but through disciplined  sitting.  He sat through all the assaults of Mara, through desire and doubt.  Without the sitting we won't make much progress and even with the sitting it is a lifetime process.  So I am thinking about the important things today and sitting is one of them.  And I think part of why I decided to write 100 Days of Dharma is for the discipline, which is the same as getting to the cushion, doing what needs to be done, over and over and over.  Building that muscle to do it whether we feel like it or not, whether we are tired, or depressed, or grumpy, or sick, or ecstatically joyful, or filled with unrest.

And why do we study the Dharma?  Why do I sit?  Well I think we always start with the wish to free ourselves from suffering.  And as time goes on, whether consciously or unconsciously we are adding to the compassion in the world, we are sending off little threads of wisdom and compassion without even knowing it, kind of like little human prayer flags.  We contribute to the world in a positive way.  Just by looking at what we do and making choices, active informed choices about how to live our lives.  And perhaps as time goes on our presence becomes a little calmer, more grounded and just our energy contributes in a positive way to the world.  This is what we are doing I think, one person at a time, one day at a time, one breath at a time.

So while 100 Days of Dharma have passed, I will continue to write about life and the Dharma as things come up that seem important to me.  It has been interesting to see that I was never really stumped for a topic, that something always presented itself, though I often wondered if it would.  Maybe I'd run dry like an old well and just cough and choke and sputter out some letters of the alphabet and embarrass myself in public (maybe I have and I am too dense to notice!)  So it has been a real privilege to share a 100 Days of Dharma with you and I expect we will continue to visit as we all have purchased a lifetime ticket to the other shore.  May your journey be a good one, filled with joy and sorrow and passion and gusto.

Bows to you all.

Day 99 and counting

I've been playing with photoshop (I use the term play loosely), creating some new business cards, and a little ad sheet for the art tour.  I am remembering how to transform and sharpen things, to work with layers (see there's Dharma in photoshop).  This lovely little Buddha is simply a photo taken somewhere in our travels that I have altered a bit in photoshop and turned a lovely shade of orange.

This is the 99th Day of 100 Days of Dharma kids (remember that song, 99 bottles of beer on the wall?) What does that have to do with anything you ask?  Well nothing really except that I think it's a human tendency to get a bit giddy as we near the finish line.  Or maybe we put on the pressure.  OMG it's the second last day I need to say something important, profound, sum it all up.  Another human tendency too don't you think?

It's all about how we use our minds.  Ask any athlete.  When skill becomes fairly equal among athletes, it's the use of the mind that  is one of the determining factors in successful outcomes.  Doubt, fear, focus, determination, so many things are dependent on how we use our minds

So I guess if I were to start thinking about what aspects of the Dharma have been most important to me, the skillful use of the mind would be a big one.   It covers so much ground.  Right view or understanding is all about how we use our minds.  Are we using faulty logic and coming to wrong conclusions about life.  Instead of seeing life's difficulties as opportunities, do they make us feel bitter and cynical?  And the mind can be a powerful perveyor of doubt and fear?  Do we run with these stories and find ourselves down the rabbit hole or do we notice where we're going and decline Alice's invitation.  

The mind is a powerful tool if we learn how to work with it.  My friend the monk quotes her teacher as saying, "the mind makes a good servant but not a very good master".   So while we use our minds, it is our hearts that provide direction (or our Buddha nature, or whatever you like to call it).  I learn so much from watching my own mind, what it gets up to, the silly games it plays.  And then I can remember (when I'm mindful) to have compassion for others because I know how hard it is to behave in ways that make sense.

Patience is another really important aspect of the Dharma for me.  I am  not particularly patient by nature.  Like everyone else I have my ideas of how things should be and I want them to be that way yesterday.  I want the no fuss, no muss version that they are always trying to sell me on TV.  But as time goes on I learn that "patience is the reward of patience" (this quote is attributed to St. Augustine).  Sitting teaches me patience.  And observing life from the perspective of the Dharma teaches me patience.  I have learned to see that things arrive in their own good time, not when I want them to.  This has been a really valuable lesson for me.  It's not on my timelines (whatever IT is).  I understand things after 100 times of getting it wrong, if that's what it takes.  There's not a lot that I can "make" happen.  I can do my part and then let the rest go, because ultimately, I have learned a bigger picture is playing itself out.  Of course I don't always remember this on the spot, but eventually with some patience I get to that place.

And learning to listen to the "still, small voice within" that has been an important and mysterious part of the Dharma for me.  Learning "how" to do that .... it's not always easy but as time goes on I see that it is the only way to really arrive at a decision about anything important.  Call it your intuition, your sixth sense, or listening to your heart, somehow we all have that wisdom inside us that ultimately knows the truth, the right action.  We just have to learn how to access it and not second guess ourselves.  It takes practice and faith....

And there is another important aspect of the Dharma, faith.  In an early blog I think I mentioned that in my 20's I was very clear that I had no concept of faith.  Faith meant believing something without logical cause and that didn't make any sense to me, at least on a thinking level.  I'm sure I made intuitive decisions.  I just didn't think of them as being based on faith.  To me faith and trust now mean believing that this is a friendly universe we live in, though sometimes it might not seem that way.  To have faith means that when things happen that I would not choose, I now believe that something larger is working itself out, that I don't necessarily need to know or figureout.  I have faith that truth triumphs over evil every time.

And mostly I feel grateful just to have found the Dharma, to be fortunate enough to have heard the teachings and have the time to spend learning and practicing and contemplating it.  This is my great good fortune.   I wish you much good fortune.

Deep, Rich & Messy (are we talking chocolate cake here?)

The art here is part of a larger work (like the one posted yesterday).  I am getting a lot of miles from this and having a lot of fun because I don't usually work large enough to capture portions of a painting and have them stand alone.  It's kind of like a puzzle.  In the end I will post the large work.  In the mean time I have a few more "parts" to show before I bare the whole thing.  

And I am heading into the final leg of the 1oo Days of Dharma.  It's interesting to watch.  When I first started I had a gazillion topics I wanted to cover.  Ideas were easy to come by and as the days went on I wondered sometimes, what will I write about today.  But when I sat down something always seemed to materialize. The process has strengthened the muscles of faith and trust.

When I stop and think about it the process of writing 100 Days of Dharma parallels how things go for us in many places in life.  First we start out enthusiastically and then as time goes on the honeymoon wears off, we get a little bored, our minds wander and we look for new stuff.  If we're not careful we can live our whole lives in this way, never touching anything very deeply, always skimming along the surface, flitting like paper thin butterflies.  It can become an habitual pattern, that at some level is unsatisfying but comfortable.  Now this doesn't mean that we simply flip over and do the opposite.  That would be a mistake too.  This is where our contemplative practice comes in, sitting down at the end of the day and looking at what's gone on, "what niggles" as my Zen teacher would say.  

We can look and see what our tricky little selves are up to.  Are we wandering, are we avoiding, are we  speeding about, never devoting enough care to the details of our lives, do we run around like headless poultry?  Are we hanging out with our good friends sloth and torpor?  Or is it just not necessary in a particular situation to go any deeper.  Perhaps a little skim across the surface shows us where we do need to go and it is wholly appropriate to move on.  Only we can know in any given instance, whether it is a relationship, a job, a conversation, some chore around the house.  But if we never look, we will never know.

The other part of the process of writing 100 Days of Dharma that parallels life has to do with moving past our pre-conceived ideas, our likes, our dislikes, the comfortable, the easy.  It's about committing to something no matter what and just seeing it through.  Our minds are always throwing up resistance, that's what they do.  It is part of right effort to just pat the resistance on the head, say not now, and carry on.  This act of moving past resistance is common to athletes and artists and creative types of all sorts.  Sometimes the best work doesn't come until you have written a thousand pages of purple prose or painted a hundred pedestrian landscapes.  Sometimes it has to come from a place that is way past where you thought you could go.  And as with all aspects of the Dharma, it's about getting to know ourselves, experimenting with what might work and adjusting our course.  It's about living the examined life, the deep, rich, messy life that comes to us while we're grasping after the easy and the comfortable things that we think will make us happy.