Begin Anywhere

This Buddha is called "Begin Anywhere" for the words I stamped on the canvas. They are words from designer, Bruce Mau's "Incomplete Manifesto For Growth" which I love. They are words attributed to composer John Cage.

Sometimes we just impart too much meaning on things. We turn problems or tasks into their own planetary systems and then we get overwhelmed by their orbit. Sometimes we just have a hard time getting out of "think" mode. Begin Anywhere is advice for taking the stickiness out of places we get hung up rather than advice that supports rash, careless behaviour.

Begin anywhere is an antidote to our old friends sloth and torpor those comfy Buddhist bedfellows (snuggled in their with the other hindrances of desire, doubt, anger, and restlessness ). Inertia has it's own weight (originally I typed wait, which may be more accurate!) And if I were a science nerd (I'm just a garden variety nerd) I'd regale you with the science of inertia but alas I was too slothful at school to pay much attention to science.

So "Begin Anywhere" Buddha offers us the lightness of, it's no big deal, just start somewhere. This reminds me of the Robert Motherwell quote, "I begin each painting with a series of mistakes." With some stunning results, I might add! Anyone who writes or paints is familiar with the fear of that perfect, empty blankness, the one we are sure we are going to ruin. So we avoid. We clean the toilet, we take the dog for a walk, we do this and that until we've used up all the time or worn ourselves out. Anything to avoid our imagined failure.

Begin Anywhere reminds us to get the energy moving which is often all that is needed. I remember a story James Baraz told in his "Awakening Joy" course. He said when he was young he came to a point in his life where he had a few directions he could go. When he couldn't decide he went to see a fortune teller hoping to get an answer. And the wise fortune teller said, just do something, it doesn't matter what. I know I have often seen this principle at work in my own life. What is that quote by Appollinaire, "Come to the edge,'' He said. They said, ''We are afraid.'' ''Come to the edge,'' He said. They came. He pushed them... and they flew."

So whatever you are thinking of doing, wondering if you should, puzzled how to go about it, this little painting is offering a wink and a nudge, "begin anywhere"

Welcome Your "Guests"

I am hoping you all have bad memories and think you haven't seen this little collage before! Another nice Dharma talk by Heather Martin at the Gate House last night. The part that resonated deeply for me had to do with having unconditional friendliness toward what she called "the defilements". I am more familiar with them as the 5 hindrances (remember Buddhism is the religion of lists, not to be confused with making a religion of lists). And I am definitely familiar with the unsuccessful and wasted effort involved in trying to push them away. And the delusion in thinking that experiences these arisings makes me somehow "faulty" or a bad practitioner.

We are all familiar with these hindrances:

desire (which has a range, including rejecting)

anger or ill will

sloth & torpor

agitation, restlessness, worry

doubt

She reminded us to look deeply inside when these things arise, get familiar with them. Our usual inclination is to look at the object of the feelings. We focus on the person who made us angry, the source of our worry. She suggested that we might view them all as visitors, not laden with the heavy self ownership we can imbue them with. And she reminded us of the lovely Rumi poem called "The Guest House" that I will leave you with. Now go forth and attend with loving kindness to your guests!

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

~ Rumi ~

Treat or Retreat

I am doing a little retreat of sorts, giving more time over to meditation and contemplation for a week.  Timing and circumstances have offered me the opportunity.  It has coincided with a period where I have been reading less Dharma.  This has not been any conscious decision but just happened.  It is interesting because my observation is that I am learning my "Dharma" more deeply, directly from my life.  It feels like when I read other more advanced practitioners and teachers I get it in my head, in an oh-yeah-that makes-sense kind of way.  And  then that finished, I move on and the idea or Dharma lesson floats somewhere on the surface, like a lovely little bubble.  It feels akin to naming things, when we see the bird or tree or whatever and name it, we think we know it.  But the phrase "knowing something too soon prevents us from really knowing it" comes to mind.  Somehow when we "know too soon" we don't really "see"  with any depth.  But if we stop to look, without the intervention of words and labels, somehow we give ourselves the space to really "see" things.  

So when I actually find fear in my life or sloth and torpor and really explore these things I "get it" at a deeper level.  So that's what this week is about, a little more first hand Dharma, a little more depth.  

Last night was the beginning of my retreat.  The previous night some physical symptoms prompted me to go off on a little "worry fest" about my health.  I watched how quickly this can just flare up, a little brush fire in the spiritual forest.  Poof and we've burned half an acre.  What's that all about I asked?  The wise little Dharma gnome inside me said that it was about fear.  As most humans I am attached to my life so thoughts of death frighten me.  "And why is that?"  I inquire of the gnome?  "It's the self that fears it's disappearance, that values itself as "a thing", more important than all else."  Otherwise we are just energy, passing through this world, learning, watching, experiencing, no big deal.  Also Ms Gnome pointed out that it was all a little mind game, generated by that trickster, monkey mind, that I was imagining a situation and it's outcome, running little badly filmed home movies in my head.  Sheesh, someone turn that projector off, list it under free stuff on Craigslist!  So that was the fear episode, not nearly as entertaining as reruns of Seinfield but there it was.

Next I was visited by sloth and torpor.  Is this starting to sound like the "Ghosts of Christmas Past"?   Sorry no pudding for  you.  My close buddies S&T, look like some large lumpy cartoon characters, lumbering, slow and somewhat depressed.   They are so not spa like or good company at all.  I turned up the heat (it was damp and chilly here last night), got out some books and my computer, had a nap, read some and kind of sat like a zombie for a bit.  Sloth and Torpor snuggled up close. Maybe I should do something, na.  And so the evening passed.  I was just getting by.  You know that feeling.  Now I want to qualify that it's good to be with what is, and I also want to say that savouring some down time is a good thing too.  But only I can look deeply at what I am doing and know who I'm snuggling down with.  Is it joy and appreciation or S&T?  Truth is the important issue here.  What am I up to?  

This morning as I looked back at my evening the movie became a little clearer.  My fear had sent me running to my companions of Sloth & Torpor, comfortable, habitual friends for me in such situations.  I was wallowing.  I knew it at the time and yet...... I accused myself of it, said some unpleasant things about it which of course made me feel loads better HA!  So fear>>>>spawned laziness which really was a form of depression.  (Are we setting up the dominoes again?)  And then I noticed the propensity to engage in some unpleasant self talk about it all, nothing kind or comforting here.  I wouldn't talk to a friend like this, so why is it okay to grumble at myself like this??  So I could see where the work needs to be done.  Seeing all this is the compassionate side of suffering. It is the suffering that leads to the end of suffering, as opposed to more suffering.   I add this in case it all sounds a bit grim to you.  Man this woman's a downer, I think I'll change the channel.

So it seemed the first order for today was a little right effort, "grasping the will" my teacher calls it.   Some qi gong, some meditation.  Sometimes it is really hard work to get yourself to these things when your inclination is to stay and hang out with S&T.  And as I sat in meditation it all became clearer.  I could see the need for compassion toward the little self.  often I am barking out orders and criticisms (and eek using the Dharma as the grounds for this)  saying ridiculous things like "Self, don't be so fear based, don't be so lazy."  If I were in charge here I'd just up and fire me as guardian and motivator of this little Dharma Life.  Go get a job at Malwart!

So that's the first retreat installment.  More to come I'm sure.  I am off to paint, paint, paint and hopefully it's not myself into a corner.