New Painting & Thieves

If you stop by here regularly you'll know I haven't posted any new art for a while. Life has somehow intervened to give me lots of time to digest and percolate. Here's a new piece 12"x24" and you can see I continue to be in love with old sewing pattern pieces.

Nothing to do with the painting but this morning I was thinking about a lovely oil blend called "Thieves Oil" and the story that goes with it. This all came to me courtesy of "Everyone is Vegan" when we uncovered some mold during reno work in our new home. The mold was not toxic and was dry but still I discovered this beautiful oil that you can use in many ways.

The story goes that during the plague thieves went about stealing from the dead and dying. They covered their faces with clothes steeped in an herbal solution. When they were caught they were offered amnesty (perhaps they might have been able to keep a limb or two??) in return for the secret of why they didn't get infected with the plague. The resulting formula is "Thieves oil", a blend of cloves, lemon, cinnamon bark, eucalyptus, and rosemary. I found a bottle made by someone on the island here but I know Young Living sells it as well or you could blend it yourself. It is purported to kill mold and mildew, bed bugs, can be used internally to tame intestinal critters and it smells wonderful, a little like Christmas. I have actually used it in some raw treats and it tastes divine.

But all this thinking about thieves made me ask myself, "what thieves do I harbour?" What thieves steal my equanimity, my kindness, my energy. If in fact our natural state is that of Buddha nature what thief has stolen mine? Do you think I should phone the local authorities? Excuse me officer, I just realized my Buddha Nature is missing. I've looked all over the house and it is definitely not on the premises. Not such a good idea? Perhaps I should just begin the search myself.

When I take a little look for what might steal my equanimity, I see my busy mind whizzing by, looking to the future, thinking of all the things I need to do. My worrying mind tags along with any number of crazy suggestions of things that I should be concerning myself with. The mind running after an endless stream of thoughts, a thief by any description.

And my kindness which thief ran away with that in hand? I think that kindness is stolen by grumpiness, by self obsession, by seeing me as the centre of the universe as opposed to looking outward into the landscape of "how can I be helpful?" how can I contribute to someone's happiness today? Forming up a little band of thieves with our self centredness, is envy and greed. Robbers to be sure.

And my right effort, that momentum and energy that helps me attend to what needs to be done; which thief ran away with that in his pocket. I know I can spot this trickster running down the road. Doubt keeps me from my work. Doubt runs off with the joy and energy generated by doing the next thing that needs to be done. Catch him quick before he causes to much trouble.

Now I know there are a few more thieves in the neighbourhood. Perhaps you have seen them at your place? Perhaps you have heard them snuffling around in dark corners or fleeing in the night? And if you see them, you can taunt them, by telling them I have their oil.

Treat or Retreat

I am doing a little retreat of sorts, giving more time over to meditation and contemplation for a week.  Timing and circumstances have offered me the opportunity.  It has coincided with a period where I have been reading less Dharma.  This has not been any conscious decision but just happened.  It is interesting because my observation is that I am learning my "Dharma" more deeply, directly from my life.  It feels like when I read other more advanced practitioners and teachers I get it in my head, in an oh-yeah-that makes-sense kind of way.  And  then that finished, I move on and the idea or Dharma lesson floats somewhere on the surface, like a lovely little bubble.  It feels akin to naming things, when we see the bird or tree or whatever and name it, we think we know it.  But the phrase "knowing something too soon prevents us from really knowing it" comes to mind.  Somehow when we "know too soon" we don't really "see"  with any depth.  But if we stop to look, without the intervention of words and labels, somehow we give ourselves the space to really "see" things.  

So when I actually find fear in my life or sloth and torpor and really explore these things I "get it" at a deeper level.  So that's what this week is about, a little more first hand Dharma, a little more depth.  

Last night was the beginning of my retreat.  The previous night some physical symptoms prompted me to go off on a little "worry fest" about my health.  I watched how quickly this can just flare up, a little brush fire in the spiritual forest.  Poof and we've burned half an acre.  What's that all about I asked?  The wise little Dharma gnome inside me said that it was about fear.  As most humans I am attached to my life so thoughts of death frighten me.  "And why is that?"  I inquire of the gnome?  "It's the self that fears it's disappearance, that values itself as "a thing", more important than all else."  Otherwise we are just energy, passing through this world, learning, watching, experiencing, no big deal.  Also Ms Gnome pointed out that it was all a little mind game, generated by that trickster, monkey mind, that I was imagining a situation and it's outcome, running little badly filmed home movies in my head.  Sheesh, someone turn that projector off, list it under free stuff on Craigslist!  So that was the fear episode, not nearly as entertaining as reruns of Seinfield but there it was.

Next I was visited by sloth and torpor.  Is this starting to sound like the "Ghosts of Christmas Past"?   Sorry no pudding for  you.  My close buddies S&T, look like some large lumpy cartoon characters, lumbering, slow and somewhat depressed.   They are so not spa like or good company at all.  I turned up the heat (it was damp and chilly here last night), got out some books and my computer, had a nap, read some and kind of sat like a zombie for a bit.  Sloth and Torpor snuggled up close. Maybe I should do something, na.  And so the evening passed.  I was just getting by.  You know that feeling.  Now I want to qualify that it's good to be with what is, and I also want to say that savouring some down time is a good thing too.  But only I can look deeply at what I am doing and know who I'm snuggling down with.  Is it joy and appreciation or S&T?  Truth is the important issue here.  What am I up to?  

This morning as I looked back at my evening the movie became a little clearer.  My fear had sent me running to my companions of Sloth & Torpor, comfortable, habitual friends for me in such situations.  I was wallowing.  I knew it at the time and yet...... I accused myself of it, said some unpleasant things about it which of course made me feel loads better HA!  So fear>>>>spawned laziness which really was a form of depression.  (Are we setting up the dominoes again?)  And then I noticed the propensity to engage in some unpleasant self talk about it all, nothing kind or comforting here.  I wouldn't talk to a friend like this, so why is it okay to grumble at myself like this??  So I could see where the work needs to be done.  Seeing all this is the compassionate side of suffering. It is the suffering that leads to the end of suffering, as opposed to more suffering.   I add this in case it all sounds a bit grim to you.  Man this woman's a downer, I think I'll change the channel.

So it seemed the first order for today was a little right effort, "grasping the will" my teacher calls it.   Some qi gong, some meditation.  Sometimes it is really hard work to get yourself to these things when your inclination is to stay and hang out with S&T.  And as I sat in meditation it all became clearer.  I could see the need for compassion toward the little self.  often I am barking out orders and criticisms (and eek using the Dharma as the grounds for this)  saying ridiculous things like "Self, don't be so fear based, don't be so lazy."  If I were in charge here I'd just up and fire me as guardian and motivator of this little Dharma Life.  Go get a job at Malwart!

So that's the first retreat installment.  More to come I'm sure.  I am off to paint, paint, paint and hopefully it's not myself into a corner. 

Zen Cleaning

This little collage reminds me of Spring.  I remember as a kid that a new skipping rope was one of the delights of Spring.  After a long Winnipeg winter you could take to the sidewalk with that cheery new length of blue or yellow plastic and skip ecstatically.

It must be Spring because (no I didn't get a new skipping rope!) today I had the urge to clean, not that let's get the dishes out of they way cleaning, but a sense that I wanted to go through the house and really clean.  Call me crazy but given the right mood I love to clean.  There is something satisfying in a cleaning job well done.  I love nothing better than to get rid of some collected winter clutter or to make something sparkle.

Where is the Dharma in this you ask?  I sense it is there, I know it is there.  Let's look.  For starters  it's about following what it feels good to do, today, right now in this moment.  Not what should I do or what can I do.  I  am talking about looking inside and sensing  what is it good to do, what wants to be done, sensing that urge to clean if it is there, learning to follow that inner sense.  This is a big part of the Dharma for me, being able to tune in to that inner sense of knowing, to actually hear that still small voice within.  Because where does the real Zen truth come from but deep inside.  So part of our training is on a daily basis to become familiar with getting in touch with what lies inside of us, that is living in harmony with the truth.  And it takes a lot of practice.  There are often a lot of competing voices vying for attention.  What a good proving ground , the small things of life, so that when bigger issues arise we are more acquainted with that inner voice. 

And cleaning away clutter is a very Zen idea to me, stripping things down to what is needed, doing away with the extraneous.  This is an important aspect of training.  As it is in the inner world, so it is in the outer world.  There is a symbolic aspect to this clearing, a ritual that reminds me of what we are aiming for inside, getting down to what really matters, the essence.  Strip away confusion, throw away that accumulation of papers.  Lessen our attachment by giving away a few things, some old clothes, perhaps something we cherish if we really want to loosen the grip of clinging.

And then there is the dusting and washing and cleaning.  Look in a Zen monastery, how things are clean and uncluttered , how cleaning and working is part of the daily training, done with mindful attention and loving care.  As well as an opportunity to train it is symbolic of what we aim to do on the inside.  The refining of life.  Each time we shine the light of our attention on a nook and cranny of the kitchen drawer or cupboard or the inside of the fridge we  finding something new that needs our attention.  So it is with our confusion, delusion or ideas that don't serve us well.  On all these fronts we can work with right effort to remove what clouds and obscures, whether it is a dusty piece of furniture exposed by the Spring sunshine or a thought or habitual pattern that we finally notice.

We can take pleasure and pride in our cleaning, getting satisfaction from the effort of our work and enjoying the fruits of our labour.  And we can move back and forth between the real and the symbolic, the inner and the outer, knowing they are all connected.  "When we pull on a single thread (in nature) we find it is connected to the rest of the world."  -John Muir.  And so it is with Sunday cleaning.  

The Zen of Right Effort

This afternoon I went to my 3 1/2 hour Qi gong class.  A big part of this practice is a meditation where you find your chi (as if you might have misplaced it somewhere. Excuse me sir, that's my chi you're sitting on.)  

The first place in the body where you are directed to focus  is at the middle dan tien, 2 finger widths below the breast bone.  After a few days if you are diligent and fortunate you may have a sense that the chi has made the short trip to the lower dan tien (or hara) just below the navel.  Then the chi's itinerary is to move down and around the back, unblocking the channels, and finally going up to the top of the head, and purchasing a round trip ticket back to the middle dan tien (never once complaining about missing a seat sale).  When this happens you have cleared the 3 major blockages in the body (lower back, mid back and back of the neck) and the chi  stops for a little celebration party in your head and then flows freely through all the channels.  This takes varying amounts of time for people depending on their level of health and commitment to the practice. 

Our trusty master always goes around the circle of students checking how our chi is and where our chi is (fine thanks for asking).  We have some advanced students in the class who have unblocked all their channels and apparently chi dances freely in their heads.  The rest of us are quite curious about this.  Our instructor encourages us to sit longer saying" it's like a putting a pot of water on to boil, if you keep taking it off the heat it will never boil."  It is a good analogy, all of us little luke warm pots, never quite turning the heat of effort and commitment up high enough.   Even though our master is a Taoist he is expressing one of the aspects of the Buddhist eightfold path, right effort.

As he makes his way around the circle a lot of people find they are too busy to do their meditation every day and he looks at them with clear eyes and tells them the times is there, that he used to work 10 hours a day at two jobs and still found time for meditation.  Rumour has it that this graceful, dignified little man used to work as a janitor at the University. 

As suggested I do my meditation diligently, twice a day, 30 minutes each time but I know those sittings are not quite enough.  I feel enthused when I hear him talk of the benefits of practice but I need to do more than feel excited about the idea once a week.   What am I doing, what are my classmates doing that prevent us from finding enough time for this valuable practice?  

I can only answer for me, but it seems that time somehow slips through my fingers.  I feel like there are not enough waking hours but in truth if I look, I squander my time as if I were going to live forever.  I have heard it said that the problem is we don't fully understand "impermanence".  If each day I reminded myself that my time here is finite and it's length unknown I might regard each moment as more precious. I might squander less. It's like water, pouring freely from the tap, we watch it wash down the drain without thought.  We need to live in the arid flats of time, our minds fully attentive to how we measure out the drops of our lives.

As it is I waste my valuable life energy zinging around on the internet, sitting in front of the television, doing goodness knows what.  It's not that I'm bad or stupid.  I'm just a little unconscious.  I need to wake up from my groggy half life. It's not a matter of becoming my own personal arm banded time police but just being more mindful, making more conscious choices.  I'm not talking about sucking the pleasure out of my day but just being aware of my intentions and priorities and making my choices from that place, choosing not to squander.  Maybe  it's about getting up an hour earlier.  Maybe it's about getting down to work when it's time, instead of doing this and that.

I have heard this topic on the lips of others this week. " I need more exercise.  I need more fresh air.  I don't want to sit so long at the computer."  (Me to myself: I need to paint more.) It seems a common problem, getting to those things we say we want to do, changing our behaviour to more wholesome states but with a little awareness, conscious intention and the grasping of our will, anything is possible.  I will end with a quote by PT Sudo, "Do not feel overwhelmed by the length of this journey.  All you ever need do is focus on one thing, what you are doing.  Stay on the path and put one foot in front of the other---- that is all.  There is joy in the struggle."