Fire Puja & The Afflictive Emotions

Yesterday the art gallery monks did a fire puja. A monk from a local temple explained that it was a ceremony to purify our afflictive emotions such as greed, hate and delusion. In the ceremony we burn up these difficult emotions and they are carried away on the smoke. We each got a pinch of barley flour to throw into the air and imagine the release of these troubling emotions.

It was a beautiful warm day with no wind and no rain, amazing in that the previous day saw 50 ish mm of rain fall here. A small fire was built and while the monks chanted, a helper added juniper branches and incense and barley flour to create a thick opaque smoke that wafted politely upward without smothering onlookers.

Our weekend was mostly filled with peaceful, mindful activities with kindred spirits. Qi gong, a potluck with some Buddhist friends where we watched a documentary on Bhutan made by a woman from Quebec. The film was about Bhutan's (GNH) Gross National Happiness Project, a purposeful program where the government takes happiness in to account when making decisions as opposed to using the GNP that fuels the Western world. Inspiring little film about a mostly inspiring little country. And on Sunday we wrapped up the weekend with a little tai chi and the fire puja, washed down with a little latte at the Mocha House and a stroll through the "Dick & Jane" like streets of Fairfield.

Now goodness knows we needed that fire puja because this morning our real estate deal began it's unravelling and the afflictive emotions made a debut appearance. I got to watch a little brush fire of anger explode in the outback, or is that out in the inback? One minute you're walking along in the sunshine, then someone does something that seems "unethical" and you've got your own little fire ceremony going on. And there's nothing purifying about it. It has to do with pushing the boundaries of contracts, wanting more, not being available and twists and turns that make you wonder if the person you're dancing with isn't trying to break your foot.

And there you are left with it sitting in your lap. So where is the Dharma in it all, you ask after you've had a little rant, vented a little spleen. You listen to your own righteous indignation. And if I know anything, I know not to make any decision when I'm mad. So we give it a few hours and cool, to get some perspective, some distance, some sanity from the crazy making. It never ceases to amaze how quickly the story starts to spin, how quick a neutral face can become a demon. And so much mind chatter. But between my partner and I we manage to talk each other off the ledge a few times.

The truth is someone is behaving badly. We could let the contract expire, we could walk away. We have to choose a response. I see the inclination for payback and decide that Payback is not a destination we care to buy a ticket to. But in truth a large seed of doubt has been planted that this person will complete the transaction in good faith. I can ask myself "what do I know for sure?" And it's not that much. Lot's of assumptions, some uncomfortable signs in hindsight and our inclination to accommodate rather than take a hard line.

So we've had an opportunity to watch our afflictive emotions (apparently they were not completely purified at the puja!). We've hung out with doubt; doubt about the deal, about our actions. And I wished I had more equanimity to just ride it through, to shrug and not care. But there it is. Life with all it's warts. It's not a big deal really. No one will die or get injured. And we got to see how easy it is to get all stirred up. We can see where our work is. We can see how difficult it is to not take offense. Can we bear insult (real or imagined) with equanimity? We can see how not being attached to the outcome of things is truly freedom. We get to see as our qi gong teacher points out, that we should sit more each day, that there is always time, no matter how busy you are. I can see how this does build equanimity, how as Pema Chodron puts it, makes you a bigger container.

And we thank the real estate demons for the teaching! with bows to the mls.

Dharma Tidbits

Some people love shadow shots.  I love reflection shots.  Here's what happens when your photographer in residence snaps a photo of a collage that has glass in the frame.  Caught, like a deer (or should that be dear) in the headlights.

The Dharma tidbit on my mind today is about coming from a place of fear and lack.  It's something I mentioned in yesterdays blog and it's come up a couple of times for me recently.  That particular choice of words which I like, came courtesy of Bunny the Cat's owner.  At one point we  offered to keep Bunny when it looked like her owner's plans might not make it possible for her to reclaim Bunny.  Our reasons were that we knew Bunny would not like to move to yet another home.  Bunny's owner pointed out that we were feeling fearful for Bunny and this was perhaps not the best place to come from when decided Bunny's future.  We had  a wonderful Dharma cat-chat and after several weeks I realized she was absolutely right and that indeed it was good, for a variety of reasons for Bunny to leave us at the end of April as originally agreed upon.  I would trust Bunny to the universe.  Today Bunny's owner called to say that she will indeed be in a position to take her back.   So while I didn't know this would be the end result, I had decided to have faith and trust and not come from a place of fear. 

As I chatted with, let's call her Mrs. Bunny, we talked about what we were each up to.  She looking for a job and a place to live and as she put it moving between hope and fear.  This is from a person who spent the last 8 months in retreat at a Buddhist monastery.  And if we're honest and willing to look we can see  this is often what we do?    Our emotions and thoughts rise and fall, like little internal tides.  And if we can just watch them like a home movie and not get attached to them, not believe them, not take them for something that is real, then it's all okay.  Fear and hope.  They just pass through (is it Dogen who likens our thoughts to passing clouds?)  In Buddhism our mind is just another sense organ and our thoughts are the object.  Our nose smells, our mind thinks.  No problem, right?

I described our real estate experience to Mrs. Bunny and she recalled looking to buy property and remembered the experience as one based on fear and lack.  That was interesting to hear because I presumed we were getting the fear and lack treatment because of the current economic situation.  But  it seems that even in booming economic times, fear is used to motivate buyers too.  "You better make that choice quickly, it might be gone if you wait, the price might go up."  So I was doubly reminded how important it is to keep your centre, your ground, as fear and lack are often used as motivators in the sales industry, especially with large purchases where it can be difficult to get people to commit.   Powerful emotions are often manipulated to get us to take action.  

So what to do?  First we need to be aware of what is happening.  Then we need to know that the folks doing this are not  bad, in fact most often simply unconscious.  And then we need to be able to reorient ourselves, in a way that works for us so that we are not making our choices out of fear and lack.  We want to come from a place of faith and trust, with a strong intent to do what is helpful or good to do in the situation.  Sometimes we need to sit with it a while, so the dust of confusion can settle and the way become clear.  So let me get the feather duster out and when it's time to take off the goggles and the dust mask I'll let you know.

Climbing To Higher Ground

Today I am thinking about how easy it is to get swept away into someone else's story, to buy into their world view.  Why is that?  And how do you keep that from happening? How do you retain your equanimity when people around you are doing the funky chicken?  How do you get the funky out of the chicken??

These are my questions today.  Do I have answers?  Not really, but I'll do a little archeological dig of the spiritual kind with you.  Let's talk specifics, because as I've learned over the years, talking in generalities is mostly not that helpful.  It's like the rules of phonetics when you're trying to explain them to someone.  The first word you come across is the exception.  So it is with the Dharma, you need to examine each situation for it's chards of truth.  

On Friday we talked to a realtor as we are thinking about making a move.  It wasn't so much a doom and gloom vision that they painted, but a picture that made us feel  squeezed.  The interview should have been called a gazillion reasons why your property is worth less than you think.  Realtors, car salesmen, always create that feeling in me.  I somehow move from sitting at a card table with a lovely hand to feeling like, hey what's that guy over there doing with all the cards, where'd mine go??

So over the weekend I teetered back and forth between thinking that our plans were not possible or maybe we should put them on hold to  feeling that things could work out just fine and that I didn't need to buy into someone else's story.  Now this is not to say that I should buy a pair of rose coloured glasses or stick my pointy little head in the sand.  It seems to me that it is about energy.  There is an energy of fear and lack and there is an energy of openness and possibility.  And for me it is easy to be swept away in someone else's tidal wave of fear (or create my own).  I need to remember to get out the surf board or climb to higher ground.  The work is in how to do this in a real world pragmatic kind of way.  It's easy to say all the words, "don't buy into the story, it's not real, etc, etc".  But how actually do you do that?

It came to me today that one thing I need to do is centre or ground myself before I go into these type of situations or meetings, to gather my chi or energy (in the hara).  Am I sounding too weird and new agey for you??  Even without the pink sunglasses?  And then to be mindful and breathe, which I so often quickly forget.  Human relations are kind of like a martial art in a strange way (and I don't mean I'm going to pull a Jacki Chan on anyone, no kicking and punching allowed!).  But I am thinking in energetic terms for some reason.  You need to be able to hold your own energy in a non aggressive way, like a qi gong master.  Now this is a real skill I think, one I am not very adept at or conscious of.  You see some people with such grace and decorum and equanimity.  They are centred and less likely to be thrown off balance by unwholesome energy.  In the martial arts, it's all about how you stand and how you use the opponents energy to support your own.  Over at the Humble Yogini's blog she told a wonderful story where she and her husband did just that, maintained their centre, held their energy, rather than being blown around by the winds of crazy talk. 

So this is my next project.  To work with (no, maybe play with) preparing myself before encounters that I might perceive as difficult and then attempt to remember my mindfulness as I move through the experience.  Any thoughts on the subject out there?  No rubber chickens, please!