We Are The Stories

studio shot

As I got ready for a visit with a friend I haven't seen in a while the thought crossed my mind that I was looking forward to hearing the story of how her life was right now. And I thought about how I would share the stories of my life, what was blooming and wilting, what I'd neglected or nourished. I looked forward to the walking and talking we were going to do.

And then I realized we humans have always told stories, to our friends, to our children, to our lovers. Really, we are all about the stories. We create them, we live in them, we anticipate them. It does something important for us, it connects us, it helps us understand, it comforts us.  Sitting around fires or wells or tables we have told and continue to tell the story of family, our work, our history, of love and betrayal, of amazing feats and failures. Depending on our inclination we peer into the past and tell those stories. Or we might be inclined to tell the stories of the future as we nurture our aspirations and intentions. We love to read a good story, to watch a good story but it is the interactive stories that build and sustain relationships and help us make sense of our lives.  These are the real meat and potatoes of life (we do offer a vegetarian substitution here, no extra charge).

two on the wall

My friend and I, as we covered the ups and downs of our 7 kilometer walk told each other the stories of now; what was going on what puzzled us, what troubled us, and where we were learning and growing, the funny bits, the awkward bits. We offered each other encouragement and insight as we are want to do, and shared bits of wisdom that had been gifted to us over the years that might be helpful to the other.

It can be in the hearing ourselves tell the story that we make sense of them because often that's what we're trying to do.  It's like EM Forster's comment "how do I know what I think until I see what I say", which is about writing but works equally well for the oral tradition. We connect through the sharing of our stories. We offer our vulnerability to another so that they may share theirs., so they feel less alone. We become visible to one another in all our confused imperfections and our shared humanness.

Though the content may be different, the eternal themes stitch us together. Here are a few we covered as we passed through patches of sun and shade on the road, walked up hill and down, paused to enquire about a neighbour's garden: It can be difficult for us and those around us to effect real change. Things don't always work out the way we expected. People don't do what we think they should.  We don't do what people think we should. People change. Feelings get hurt, soft spots get poked. Wasps sting us. Learning and growth make it all worth while. We are all works in progress.  Our shared stories connect us little human dots.  It warms our heart to know someone cares enough to want to hear our story. We recognize the generosity of our own heart (all of us) as we listen to the other person's story.

tracings

It's been so long since I've posted (I kind of feel like I'm writing a letter to a dear friend) There are so many tiny bits of story I want to share. Mostly it's the tidbits that have inspired me that I think might uplift someone else. I have read "The Brain That Changes Itself" and "The Brain's Way of Healing", both about the incredible power and weirdness of neuroplasticity. I love to hear about the science of the mind but always it feels incomplete if it leaves off there. We are so much more than science can ever comprehend. But the books inspired me to take a Feldenkrais class which accesses the some of the hidden potential of the brain. I was smitten by James Doty's "Into The Magic Shop" which is written like a page turner and offers a non Buddhist approach to Eastern practices.

Doubt has been up on my art radar with huge intensity and I've been reluctant to share for a few reasons but it's a worthwhile dissection I think. If I'm fortunate the patient will not survive dissection. It's been an interesting few months but that's another blog post.

in progress

And the last tidbit: On a long drive to the most westerly part of our coast we listened to a recorded retreat by Eckhart Tolle (sorry Lynette) and found such wise simplicity. One thing really resonated. It went something like this: A lot of the time when we complain and grumble about people and situations what we are really saying is "this shouldn't be happening" which is vaguely astounding when you think of it this way. One morning as I listened to my neighbour filling the airwaves with industrial park sounds from his woodworking shop I realized (as I grumbled) that I was saying just that. And it struck me as ridiculous because, it was happening. Tolle reminds us that we have a choice about how we are going to hold that situation.  We can allow it to disturb us and flavour our day with bitterness. We can brace ourselves against it or we can find a way to be with what is. And this has stuck with me as I recognize myself in big and small ways saying "this shouldn't be happening" and reorient myself.  So wishing you days filled with "this should be happening" or at least "this is happening". Be well.

"We See The World As We Are"

"We see the world not as it is but as we are" Someone made this comment at the second day long of our intro to Vipassana/ Insight meditation workshop. This is something that rings so true for me these days and something I am paying a lot of attention to.

How could it be otherwise? Even scientists will tell you that there is no such thing as objectivity. Every researcher influences the outcome of her research. Even by the very questions we ask, we influence the results, the information we uncover. And of course this speaks to the unfathomable connection between everything, large or small. A big tenet of Buddhism is, "we are all connected". Someone said, and I love this way of expressing it, something to the effect, "tug on one small thing in this world and you will find everything is attached", kind of like the cosmic thread in our universal picnic cloth.

But I digress. I think I love this comment about "seeing things as we are" because it reminds me that if I change how I think, I can change how I see the world. This is another tenet of Buddhism, "we can change". We can become more compassionate, more relaxed, more friendly to ourselves and others. There is such a huge field for us to play in here. We are not our thoughts, not even a collection of them. The mind is simply a sense organ, sensing thought in the same way your nose detects scents. Where do our thoughts come from? Good question. All 72,000 if them that we are supposed to have in a day.

By working with our minds we can nourish new ways of seeing the world. When people talk about fate or karma, this is where the very fixed view falls apart. We create karma, we come here with certain karmic residue, but by our actions, by our intention we can work with our lives. We are not victims, we are co-creators of our world (no rose coloured glasses here kids, I am not getting all new agey on you).

So I am loving my new Vipassana training which is helping me focus on, well focusing, bringing intention and a fresh presence to my meditation, to the minute details of my life. I love the metta practice which I have never done before. It is like eating this wonderfully nourishing and sweetly, delicious meal. Wish yourself well, wish others well. Does this sound hokey, or silly or like some overlay? Try it. Try repeating. May I be relaxed and content. May I be open and spacious. May I be healthy and strong. This is a re-educating of the mind that says, "man this day sucks" and lists all the things that didn't work out.

It's easy to see the relation between what we put in our mouths and how our body feels but how about what we fill our minds with. If you're like me it's easy to get hung up in a litany of small grumbles, about the weather or the neighbour or the driver who cut us off, or the friend whose neglected us, the family member who irritates us. It takes intention for most of us to see the world differently but I tell you it is worth every bit of effort. The sweetness of the day awaits you. Unwrap it and pop it into the lips of your awareness.

No Man Is An Island On An Island

I am in the process of becoming "islandized" since we moved to Salt Spring just over a week ago. Yesterday I decided to gather some nettles and make nettle soup (with a little help from google). When I saw some nettles growing by the road (a little travelled one) I remembered gathering them with a friend years ago. It made me feel very islandish to serve the bright green soup.

And I am learning to wave. When someone passes you in the car they give a little wave (as in hi neighbour). This is especially apparent on the smaller, less travelled roads. And I'm enjoying the good natured chit chat that goes on everywhere, at the grocery store, at the lumber yard. And more than one island car sports a bumper sticker that says, "Relax, it's not the mainland."

We have even picked up hitch hikers several times, once a young couple heading up the road in the direction of our house and then a young woman heading towards town. It's been a long time since we picked up hitch hikers but here on the island it seems part of what happens. On a quiet stretch of road with spotty public transport it seems almost unkind to pass by perfectly harmless looking folks when your back seat is empty.

And then of course there are the things that are simply rural, not necessarily island things; the birds and the deer, the veg from the garden and the glorious clothesline you see pictured here. My island experiences made me think of a post over at 108 Zen books about the help of sentient and insentient beings, those seen and unseen. This is sinking in as I observe and participate in island life. It is easier to see our connections when you pick up the young couple who lives down the road, when you partake of some spring nettles or when strangers wave at you as if they were old friends.

I am reading a book called "Zen Architecture - The Building Process As Practice" by Paul Discoe. In the foreword Reb Anderson says "... although it may appear that you and I and Paul Discoe can produce something on our own, that is just a deeply entrenched delusion.... Although it may not be apparent, all great artists have coworkers, living and nonliving.... everything that exists does so interdependently."

So maybe I needed to come to an island to learn "that no man is an island." Is that you waving over there?

Kindness and Connection

First a little house keeping ....  Someone mentioned to me today that they were unable to post a comment here and when I sniffed around my blogger site I found that the default settings were a bit off.  I have freshened them up and anyone can post now and comments are always welcome!

A couple of things are up on my radar today.  Yesterday an event of sheer delight came my way.  I received a surprise package in the mail.  It turned out to be the most lovely green merino wool cowl (is that some sort of farm animal making a bad noise, you ask?) knit for me by a good friend of my daughter.  I had been mooning over a similar item on Etsy during the Christmas holidays and not only had Sarah remembered but she had put her nimble fingers to work and created this beautiful  scarfy thing for me and mailed it out.  I was truly touched and delighted and like a small child I immediately put it on and wore it for the rest of the evening!  Kindness pure and simple such a wonderful human offering. The Dalai Lama often says, "my religion is kindness."

 

But how often do we take the time out of our busy day to actually go through all the steps to complete a simple act of kindness or generosity.  Sometimes I think of something I might do, imagine it fondly and then get busy and forget.  So I was reminded in a very first hand way what a wonderful aspect of human connection these little treats are, maybe it's just a long distance phone call to a friend, or a real card that goes in the mailbox, just a friendly word to a stranger that looks like they could use cheering up....  I was reminded to pass it on  ....  tag you're it.

When I called to tell Sarah how tickled I was, she commented on my blog and we got to talking about how we humans are so similar in many ways, how we all share  many of the same issues and insecurities (check out Peter's Monkeymind post "trouble in paradise"  to read a powerful piece on the inner critic we all share).  Suffering is universal yet somehow we think we have some individual license on it. We wander around feeling isolated and thinking everyone else looks pretty great and has it all together .... except us.  A teacher whose name I can't remember expressed it this way, "If you've seen one mango, you've seen them all."  We're really just a bunch of pretty crazy mangoes dealing with the same little fruit flies.

Coffee today with a new Dharma friend  ended with the same conclusion Sarah and I had come to, such an important tenet of Buddhist practice.  We are all connected.  It is so easy to forget and so helpful to remember.  Because we often don't talk about the deeper issues of life with friends and family we don't know that inside we all are in the same boat together working with the same stuff, (in slightly different contexts sometimes).... but there it is once we're willing to be brave and share.  It is such a joy and relief to share and connect.

How often do we really connect with other people?  How often do we take the time and muster the courage?  Are we willing to feel awkward and exposed?  Or is it easier, safer, and more comfortable  to stay in our crusty little shells?  My new Dharma friend and I could talk about how we hardly know our mothers or other family members, that in our culture we have never really learned and practiced how to connect with people at a heart level.  And so we feel lonely in a room full of relatives, and we feel lonely when we are by ourselves.  We could remind each other that really there is nothing more important than that feeling of connection and community, something that can seem so absent in this modern world.

So that's what I've been thinking about today, kindness and connection, both of which I feel blessed to have been the recipient of.