Waking Up to What We Do

Okay I hear you.  What the heck is that over there where there's supposed to be a piece of art, you're asking.  My partner said it was Zen dots!  It is in fact some scrabble tiles that I'm making into pendants using some Asian stamps and yes that may be Zen dots they're sitting on.  We have them in for testing but their origin is still undetermined!  Now that we've cleared that up I can move on to the day's Dharma.

Yesterday Christine shared a quote  in the blog comments that said,  (I paraphrase) "everything that comes into our circle is there to teach us something" and that expresses so well how there is Dharma everywhere if we are willing to look.

Today started with a call from a friend.  She is an old friend, not given to a great deal of self reflection, but kind and thoughtful and doing the best she can, as we all are.  I hadn't seen her since early December and she visited Friday.  She looked terrible and had been sick for 4 weeks with a cold or flu and various complaints that just weren't going away.  We walked and talked.  She has a stressful job working with handicapped kids.  At one point she looked at me and said that her husband had said to her, "we create our own stress".  I agreed and I could tell from the silence that somehow the proverbial penny was finally dropping for her.  

This morning said friend called and when I heard her voice I knew she was still off work.  "I know why I'm sick", she said.  I thought oh, oh, I hope she didn't bring me anything really contagious (my we're self centred little creatures!)   "It's stress", she said.  A light had gone on over the weekend.  All the things piling up, worrying about her daughters' problems, the relationship between one daughter and her husband, her very stressful job; things had reached a level where whether she wanted to acknowledge it on a conscious level or not, the body was rebelling.  My friend the monk says, "if we don't get it when it whispers in our ear, sooner or later we'll get hit by the two by four."  And of course she is not making any reference to household renovations.  So my friend is being visited by some medium sized lumber.  She is finally having to look at "how we create our own suffering" and what to do with that.

She called me because we have always seen each other through tough times.  Several years ago I was touched by her tender caring when I was really sick.  I like to think she called me because she knows I will support her.  I offered a "hearty good for you" for figuring out what the problem was and reassured her that it was all good, that everyone at some point has to wake up and look at their pain.  And that is the beginning of healing.  

And then to figure out what to do.  We talked about her options.  She had a call in to a chiro that deals with emotional issues and she talked about how she didn't want to go back to work.  I reminded her of the little AA prayer that talks about looking at what we can change.  She was already thinking about parts of her job that she could let go.  And so as she talked and I offered the bits of Dharma that seemed like they might be helpful (including these things don't get dealt with overnight).  I reminded her of some meditation CD's I'd leant her last year and told her how helpful the book of small inspirational quote she'd brought me when I'd been in the hospital had been.  It felt good to be able to support her and it felt good to see that she was dealing with the "real" issues in her life, not just putting on the antibiotic bandaid.

And so there it was the Dharma ....  How most of us have to be dragged there kicking and screaming, to a place where we are willing to have a good hard look at what we do.  And it is all good ... good that we got there (the compassionate side of suffering).  It is our opportunity to do the real work of our life.  And we all get there when we get there, no sooner or later, and all we need to bring is our willingness.  And  the suffering that she was experiencing is the suffering that  leads to the end of suffering.   So I say a good for you to my friend because it is not easy.  But it is definitely rewarding and enriches our lives.  In a recent blog post I quoted PT Sudo who said the  Japanese character for crisis could be translated as both, danger and  opportunity, the makings of an interesting soup don't you think?  I'll have a bowl of that, hold the matzo balls.

Enjoy Your Difficulties

"Sometimes it was difficult, but if it was difficult, I laughed at myself. Why is it so difficult?  Why don't you enjoy your difficulties?  That is, I think, the practice."  Suzuki Roshi

"Why don't you enjoy your difficulties?"  Now there is both a tall order and a good question.  A Dharma friend and I were walking and talking about our lives and touched briefly on this question.  We came at it from Dogen's angle of "the way is not difficult for those who do not pick and choose," which I believe is not quite so enthusiastic as "enjoying your difficulties."  We talked about how quickly and with subtlety we carve the world up into what we like and don't like, rather than just paddle along in the sea of experiences.  And then we get trapped in our preferences and dislikes, even ones that seem good.  She loves being outdoors in nature, nothing wrong with that but she is aware of how that can create tension and yearning in her life that create suffering.

If I think of laughing at my difficulties, it is hard to imagine.  Mostly I recoil from them, push them away, moan about them.  When I actually approach this idea I imagine it to feel quite freeing and light and detached, to laugh at my difficulties.  I am so intrigued by this idea, that I want to try it.  I want to remember it for the right time when some giant juicy difficulty gets itself in my face.  I want to remember to say to myself, just laugh, Carole.  Lighten up.  It's not that important, it's not that big a deal, this too shall pass.  And burst out into a big belly laugh.

Suzuki Roshi boils it all down to "this is our practice."   This position of enjoying our difficulties integrates all of practice in his mind.  If  we can laugh at our difficulties, we are not caught up in our ego, we have given up our attachment to having things our way.  To get to this place we understand impermanence in our blood and bones.  It could be the result of years of practice or a sudden flash of insight.  It is something that we cannot force with our will or make happen.  We can work toward it, aspire to it and yet we need to be patient.  It strikes me as the ultimate freedom; the explicit expression of "it's not important" that could take in so much about what we worry or fret about.  In my mind a good laugh is full of release and relaxation at a body level as well as an attitude of mind.  It is the ultimate act of looking up.  Like a mad man or a sane person throwing our head back  and having the ultimate laugh at ourselves, thoroughly enjoying our difficulties.