|The Archeology of Clouds|
Well it's not working for me. It never has, really. In looking at my frustration and how things are going I realize it's not this pre-painting activity that's the problem, it's what my mind does with it. It's like the car isn't the problem when you get a speeding ticket, it's the driver. Somehow the focus for me becomes (perhaps always has been) on the outcome of the painting process. I am looking for something; something that resonates, something that fits my idea of pleasing. And that very act of wanting stands in the way of actually getting what I'm looking for, if that makes any sense. It's like building a wall when you want a doorway and then wondering why you can't get out of that dark little room. It's a good thing I'm not a building contractor.
|Imagining The Wind 12"x12"|
I understand all this in my head about process vs product and that often is the very first place we understand things, in the head. But as my old Zen teacher used to say, "we need to understand it in our blood and bones", whatever it is, to really integrate it at a functional level. It's become so painfully obvious to me lately that I am heading off to the blood and bones department right now. I am setting my "intention", a big word in Buddhist circles. I am turning this sinking ship and paint brush around. I am choosing to turn my mind in the direction of process and learning from the painting, of having a conversation with the work. I have witnesses now. You heard me, didn't you?
|The Secret Life of Moss 11"x14"|
So here I am, all bloody and boney, standing at the temple door of life (or is that a wall?) in the company of some of my estranged canvases (oh, oh I hear the call to the lawyer going out now). I'll keep you posted on how it all works out for me.