Saturday, September 6, 2014

The Blood And Bones Of Art

The Archeology of Clouds
If part of an athlete's success resides in the realm of the mind, then an aspect of our art practice must rest on how we use our minds when we do our art, no? This makes a lot of sense to me and my mind and yet the pull of habit is strong, that unconscious part made up of synapses and neural pathways, transmitters and receptors. Somewhere inside I know better but here's the pattern I fall into.  I look at work I love and feel inspired. It feels like pointing myself in the right direction to immerse myself in what I find beautiful, what I'd like to create, right?

Well it's not working for me.  It never has, really.  In looking at my frustration and how things are going I realize it's not this pre-painting activity that's the problem, it's what my mind does with it.   It's like the car isn't the problem when you get a speeding ticket, it's the driver. Somehow the focus for me becomes (perhaps always has been) on the outcome of the painting process.  I am looking for something; something that resonates, something that fits my idea of pleasing.  And that very act of wanting stands in the way of actually getting what I'm looking for, if that makes any sense.  It's like building a wall when you want a doorway and then wondering why you can't get out of that dark little room. It's a good thing I'm not a building contractor.

Imagining The Wind 12"x12"
And it's not that I haven't heard the part about focusing on the "process".  My friend Jeane, of ART IT embodies this idea of learning from your painting, of diving deeply into "just working", of finding it exciting and exploratory. She discovers whole continents of interest and delight in her studio. To spend time with her, as I did last year (here's the blog post I wrote about that) is not only a joy but an education for the heart.  But then there's the return to habit.

I understand all this in my head about process vs product and that often is the very first place we understand things, in the head. But as my old Zen teacher used to say, "we need to understand it in our blood and bones", whatever it is, to really integrate it at a functional level.  It's become so painfully obvious to me lately that I am heading off to the blood and bones department right now.  I am setting my "intention", a big word in Buddhist circles.  I am turning this sinking ship and paint brush around. I am choosing to turn my mind in the direction of process and learning from the painting, of having a conversation with the work.  I have witnesses now.  You heard me, didn't you?

The Secret Life of Moss 11"x14"
I do a lot of "imposing" on the canvas, rather than conversing "with".  In fact I'm quite surprised my canvases haven't filed for divorce or just walked out on me.  But they're a patient lot.  My old Zen teacher used to say another thing, "the eternal can wait for as long as you need, how long can you wait?"  I used to hate that word eternal, so churchy, but I forgive the cleric language now.  Whatever it is you need to do, whatever change you want to make in your life, the universe is patient, like my canvas. It just stands there looking at you without judgment, "did you get that?" I won't say it's never rude or harsh, but it always just stands by waiting for us to get the message.  If not, the message will be broadcast again, perhaps at louder volume or closer intervals.

So here I am, all bloody and boney, standing at the temple door of life (or is that a wall?) in the company of some of my estranged canvases (oh, oh I hear the call to the lawyer going out now).  I'll keep you posted on how it all works out for me.

17 comments:

  1. Carole there are many doorways in your art.It may seem like a wall to you but I see many paths in your pictures. When I first look at a painting I get a visceral feeling of the overall work and when I look again it changes and grows as there are many levels. Maybe you lived the levels as you were painting them and they have maybe "flattened" a little, like a photoshop picture when you have finished manipulating it. So mop up the blood, sit down and have a nice cup of tea or glass of wine and look at your work with only one eye at a time. Preferably half closed until you see what I see. ♥ Chris

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    1. thanks, Chris for the kind words. I promise not to mix the tea with the wine.

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  2. Whatever your focus or method, the whys or wherefores, what has come through in your art is something complex and beautiful and spiritual. I usually start with nothing (or some vague idea) and I let things happen; when I start with wanting, it ends up as something else completely (if that makes sense). Either way, I tell myself that's what's in my psyche, what's supposed to happen. xo

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    1. thank-you! I envy those of you who slip into this state with ease. and you are so right, that's what's supposed to happen. happy creating, Colette.

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  3. Wonderful read Carol. The paintings are the kind of art I like to surround myself with as well. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

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    1. thanks Sharon for your kindness on these pages and deep exploration in your work and words.

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  4. Love the third piece! It has everything! Xo

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  5. It is obvious that your work is achieving significance of feeling. I also like the third one, “the secret life of moss.” But if I tried to tell you why, then it turns what once was a sense or feeling, into an attempt to theorize in a scientific way. It loses something, and I would rather just feel what comes through from your painting.

    In a similar way, it could be that your attempt to go to process versus product is trying to theorize and grasp. A scientific answer to something that is not scientific. This culture we are in seems to tell us that everything has a scientific answer like computer programming putting together a string of characters that form an answer. A reliable formula. In my opinion, some things simply do not work that way ie religion, visual art, music, etc.

    Instead, maybe you could trust that you have the understandings inside you – clearly shown in the work you do. Accept that instead of feeling the need to decide on ‘this or that’. Just trust, breathe, and put paint on canvas.

    Some activities work in the realm of the inexplicable. You gather up all you know and believe, and then let go of all of it, and with faith, see what happens. The hardest part is the letting go. I try this method in my own work, and tho I oftentimes forget to free myself from the mind and get all caught up, there are other times I can let go.

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    1. You make so many wonderful points that ring true for me. Perhaps this attempt to reframe is just another kind of grasping? This is an excellent point. I can see that and when I think of this, I also see some impatience. (ie if I just flip over from this to that, it will all work out)

      But I think this exploration holds the seed of something wholesome, the intent to get out of my head and away from grasping after outcomes. Perhaps it is only a more wholesome kind of desire? You know like dharma over beer? :) (but that could start a whole other discussion with the Zen master choosing the beer for sure!)

      Such an excellent dharma point, that it is all always inside us just waiting for us to uncover it, whatever it is we're striving for.

      Yes, yes, trust and faith, their very presence would erase so many of these other questions for me. And so to let go.....

      Thanks Ken for entering into this very helpful discussion.

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  6. I wonder if I'll ever stop being amazed at reading the perfect post I needed to hear at just the right time. Bloodied and bony with some draft posts and some not drafted yet calling out for a lawyer. Wait - I am a lawyer... Love the paintings!

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  7. the universe works in weird and wonderful ways! there always seems to be ample proof of that. and we can share the paddles in this leaky boat, yes?

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  8. I do relate,I swing between what you are going through and painting like Jeane, back and forth I go :-). I love these paintings, xoxo

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    1. That sounds like balance :) to me. An energy worker friend of mine has invited me to come paint on the walls of her studio and she'll show me how to let go! Sounds scary and like fun.

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  9. I've had a long and loving look at this second piece ... I know or don't know how you got it here but I can say I'm glad you brought IT "Imagining the Wind" into this world!

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  10. Thanks, MaryAnn! Your comment makes me think of birthing. I like that way of thinking about our work. No one gives birth with their head, do they? :)

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