Sunday, January 8, 2012

The Freedom of Schedules


So we've tucked the first week of the new year under our belt and if we ate too many Christmas goodies that belt may be bulging a bit (but who wants to talk about that?).  I want to talk schedules. What do you think about schedules? Yeah me too. I've never been a scheduley sort of person.  But I thought, new year, try something new, right?  I have some projects I want to actually happen, time that seems to have slipped deftly through my fingers and toes.  It's easy to suffer from this little syndrome that Fran Leibowitz describes here: "When I'm supposed to be writing, I clean my apartment, take my clothes to the laundry, get organized, make lists, do the dishes. I would never do a dish if I didn't have to write."

It's so easy for the days to morph into weeks and merge with the months; project lists remaining as large and unfinished as ever.  When my friend the Zen monk asked about what I've done with my writing and I mumbled something about working on it this winter in the long evenings, she gently said, "you know if you don't slot in the time, it's not going to happen."  Those words have been wandering around my head, occasionally tripping over the empty canvases on the studio floor.

 So with my daughter home for a bit and both of us with projects in mind we sat down to create schedules.  We identified things we wanted to do on one list and then created a loose daily schedule that involved meditation first thing, a couple of 2 hour work blocks where I slotted in painting and writing, an exercise slot and the evening for sketching, listening to Dharma talks and whatever.  I have never really worked by a schedule.  Perhaps I have made some weak attempts on occasion but somehow that tricky customer slipped quietly out into the winter fog.  And before you take me for a total slacker, let me clarify, I'm only a partial slacker.  If I become obsessed with something the hours can pass without much else happening.  I can get on track, it's getting off the track before the train comes that can be a problem. A day of painting can easily end without a walk.  That's another issue I hope a schedule might address.

So scheduling seemed a good way to help me move from one activity to another, also a way of ensuring a particular activity got started.  I'm visualizing my schedule like one of those cute little shelves with compartments that I can pop things into; like the ones I've noticed on tumblr (whoops, that's not in the schedule, is it?). In the past I thought of schedules as way too bossy (kind of like those automatic check-outs  at the big box stores that shout "put your item in the bag"), too left brained, too business oriented, nothing an artsy sort would want or need.  Just the thought of a schedule would make my face screw up like I'd just tasted a cup of wormwood tea.

So when I asked myself "what is the essence of a schedule, why would I want to do this?"  It's about discipline, about holding and containing, about bringing order.   And if I think about Buddhist practice I see that mindfulness is simply discipline for the mind?  Instead of letting the mind roam wildly over whatever craziness strikes it, we attempt over and over to bring it back to the present moment.  As RM Jiyu Kennet Of the Order of Buddhist Contemplatives used to say, "the mind makes a good servant but not a very good master."  So really what am I doing with my schedule but trying to take charge of my time, it's discipline for the parameter of time.  Dogen, in his sobering way reminds us, "Quickly the body passes away. In a moment life is gone."  Not to be morbid, but just a good reminder to us to get on with it.

And how is my schedule going, you ask with a sly grin?  Pretty well to my surprise.  The exercise right after lunch part isn't working out too well.  In fact the exercise thing in general requires some attention.  And I forgot to schedule in a sleep in morning (my body decided that was today).  But so far I have actually started work on a little e-book that's in the future plans and have managed to get in some serious painting time.  A little sketching project is underway.  And we have built in a day for reassessing the schedule and adjusting it as needed.  That will happen Tuesday.

As always there is some Dharma in it all.  About midweek I could see some grimness creeping in, some feeling that I was being chased around by my "schedule".  My mind starting singing a little song that went, "this schedule is taking the joy out of everything."  And when I looked at this I could see it had nothing to do with "the schedule" but everything to do with my attitude, how my mind was regarding the schedule.  I could look at it as a jailer or a liberator, or perhaps I don't even have to think about it at all?  In a great little book I picked up second hand "The Art of Abstract Painting", by Rolina van Vliet she say in a section called "Freedom in restraint, "Limits encourage more intensive exploration.   ... direction and limitation activate our creativity more than does superficially wandering about among an overabundance of alternatives." She is specifically addressing the learning phase of a task. I think this is not the whole truth or always the truth, but for me, at this point, the schedule is "the restraint" and within it I can choose freedom, the freedom to get done what my heart ultimately longs to do but my wandery mind and  fearful ego shy away from.

26 comments:

  1. Do you have a day off from the schedule scheduled?

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  2. You are inspiring me. This winter suddenly has a number of deadlines beckoning and I have been wondering how it will all happen. Whoa- a schedule! I never thought of that! : ) Thanks for sharing this.

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  3. Leslie - I was thinking of the weekend as unscheduled. Daughter wanted to go for 7 days on schedule. This morning turned into a slightly later beginning to the day. And I forgot housework! So as you can see the schedule needs adjusting. The full 7 day the same schedule is not going to work for me. I'm wondering if perhaps 2hrs of some work on Sat and Sun might work? Ah, always a work in progress. Do you schedule"

    Robyn - glad to offer some food for thought! a chuckle, I know it was my daughter who suggested the schedule.

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  4. When in retreat for a zen practice period, the schedule was called a "container" for practice. I chaffed and squirmed at first, but after a while the schedule became a comfort. It was like a ridgepole holding me up and together for the inner work I needed to do. I miss it a lot now, because I feel like a leaf in the wind sometimes without it. It takes a lot of inner strength and resolve to make a schedule and abide by it! 9 Bows Carole!!!

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  5. yes, yes, of course, schedules at retreat. I didn't think of that because of course in retreat, it was created by others and the whole group followed it. I like that, "a container". bows to you, dear companion on the road!

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  6. At one time when I was writing long works I had a schedule and kept to it. In fact for much of my working life I had a schedule. I did well with it. Then....

    I turned fifty and somehow changed direction. I let go of time/schedule and so forth. I said each day in the morning, okay what do I want to do today, where does my body lead me.

    I've been doing that for a long time. Not sure if I will ever return to a strict schedule but you never know.

    good luck. nice you have your daughter there to do it with you.

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  7. ah, the wisdom of the body. yes that seems good too, to seek direction from inner sources. I like that too. To ask, what is it good to do today, what is it good to do in this moment. I think it is the choosing with awareness, perhaps that is the key? It is wonderful that there are so many ways to walk through this world.

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  8. The mind makes a good servant. I'll have to remind my mind about that. Heart is frequently in earnest dialogue with the two stooges Wandery Mind and Fearful Ego... Haven't had a lot of luck with schedules - probably too ambitious. And Ms. Liebowitz seems to have me pegged. Time to try again - thanks for suggesting it. BTW beautiful photo!

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  9. I do schedule just because I have a day job - that is the structure. Then I fit in art deadlines and the rest. I thrive on unscheduled time. So I try to do as much during my work week (errands and so forth) so the stretch between Thursday evening to Monday morning is space in time for creativity to flow.
    When I retire - I can tell I will need to have a new structure.

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  10. David - Ha, got a good chuckle out of that one: I'll have to remind my mind about that. And it's funny because it's so true! Yeah, I do the Liebowitz thing way too much. Always another thing calls to me!

    Leslie - yes, when we have a lot of our time scheduled for us by demands such as work, it is nice to have time to to just be with our creative self. It takes time to get into that space too. Sounds like you've found a way that works.

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  11. my dear carole, i will be following along to see how the schedule experiment goes. if nothing else i'm sure it'll be insightful... i am happy to not have to follow a schedule these days. i feel like my path has me learning how to pay attention within and to listen to what the Being wants... to get away from 'shoulds' and 'coulds'...

    xoxo

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  12. I used to be more "scheduled" - but then life kind of fell apart on its own 10 yrs ago and became much more "free-form" - or should I say free of form. :) Now I need a lot of unstructured/downtime; time to just be and listen to the inner Voice (what the Heart longs for, as you said) and body. It's kind of like having to look at the whole package. What feeds my body, mind and spirit type thing. My body can't always wait for a scheduled down time. I do notice that when I am feeling fearful our out of control with what is happening in life I tend to try to create more structure, more "doing" as a way of gaining a sense of control, a sense of "okayness" with myself, that I'm "productive"... And then I have to ask myself what is the real need here... It's never what it seems. :)

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  13. lynne - yes you are so right, it is an experiment. I do like the sound of listening to the still, small voice and maybe I can do that within some structure. we'll see how it goes! always the call and response, yes?

    Mystic - yes of course, the needs of the body prevail, that's for sure. and I like your question, "what is the real need here?" always good to explore the deeper meaning, something that you are so good at finding!

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  14. Don't forget to schedule some fun into that schedule, Carole! haha... I've always been a very schedule, list-making, do-ins sort of person. I find myself wanting to break some of those self-imposed rules though and be more open, flexible, leaving room for surprises and see what develops. Of course a certain amount of scheduling is necessary life sometimes. But more and more the open road beckons. Keep us posted on your new schedule approach to living. :o)

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  15. As a not scheduley sort, I guess I'm game to try it out and see what happens, if in fact I accomplish more and that it feels somehow right. Yes, I'm thinking the weekend needs to be a bit more open than I have it and of course because it's a self created schedule, there is the space to open up to something special that may arise.

    Interesting how you are moving the other way. Perhaps we are always seeking balance?

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  16. Carole, while reading this I was struck by the memories of myself as a very scheduled person while my kids were being schooled at home. 5 full days a week, plus weekend activities for years upon years. Now it seems, without them around I have fallen into the n0n-scheduled days of the empty nester!

    I realize that starting a fresh new year in September, rather than January, is a more natural time for me. January is colder and darker and keeps me in the house or studio drinking hot chocolates and cooking soups and stews.

    Thank you for this post, for helping me realize this about myself.
    Here's to your new "not" scheduley sort of schedule and to many days of joy.

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  17. i admire your idea. It has much to recommend it. Schedules can free us up. I personally like the idea of routine. That's what keeps me grounded. About ten years ago I made myself start doing the things I least wanted to do, first. What I found was that once those jobs were done, all else was easy and I had so much more time to pursue the the things I love. Not exactly a schedule, but there are no more things I hate doing put off until another day. Good luck with your schedule. It could become a good friend. xo

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  18. Every night, I sit down and write down a to-do list for the next day.

    I also have the calendar on my iPhone to hold me accountable.

    And when I want to make sure I deliver on some creative project, I make dates with other people. This way, I cannot let them (and me) down.

    This way I protect myself from the many weeds that could invade my life: senseless activities, going shopping, Internet surfing, etc . . . And I make room for what matters most: practice, creative work, service to others, relationships, exercise, etc.

    Monasteries are all about schedule :)

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  19. Carole - Nice memories! My daughter homeschooled from grade 6 on but we were unschoolers so not too scheduled. Yes winter is about hibernation. It is interesting in how reading things and then contemplating them how we can see new or forgotten aspects of ourselves.
    I was just talking today how summer called me outside and not much painting happened. Winter seems a good time for me to schedule!

    Jeanne- I like this, getting the "hard" things out of the way first. I always love that header of yours "you must make an effort.... Ultimately it's about giving form to the formless? Finding a way that works for us.

    Marguerite - I like the "date" thing. I think that is why my daughter and I sat down together to do the schedule thing. Ah, yes the weeds, this is a good way to think of it. I like that. That is my aim, you express it so well, to make room for what matters most.

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  20. Thank you for this post...felt good to read your take on scheduling as well as others. I am in the 'new year' scheduling and have found the things I want new in my life are also things I have resistance to...so I have set dates and check-ins with others...keeping myself honest...the direction and the timetable feels good and so far these little accomplishments have been as good as a big cookie, ice cream cone etc...!

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  21. Blue Sky - It is good to read the collection of comments, isn't it? So many great takes on things. And like you, I have things I'd actually like see happen! Yes, it seems good to have something to keep us "honest" otherwise the sliding sets in and before we know it we're at the bottom of the slippery slope!

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  22. I try to be disciplined.. but I find that as soon as I try to stick to some sort of schedule.. life happens..out goes the schedule and in comes the unexpected. then I 'go with the flow'

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  23. I schedule time to come by and catch up on you. Since that seems to be more than a good reward for my scheduling efforts, perhaps I'll be brave and stretch the effort into other areas too...like exercising....and other 'things'. Happy New Year.

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  24. layers - it is so true, life happens! and you are so right, we need to go with the flow when "schedules and plans" get interrupted, otherwise we cause ourselves so much stress.

    Holly - nice! yes, you have said it so aptly, looking at our intentions behind the schedule, that's what really helps us set our course, watch what happens and adjust from there. and a brilliant 2012 to you!

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  25. This topic comes up often with my kids, with my coaching clients, with friends...with me, myself and I!!! I loved this "discipline for the parameter of time"...my discipline in this realm is gentle, soft edged, with metta when I color outside my self drawn lines...but yes some sort of boundary, is necessary...Like a vegetable garden without a fence of some kind any creature can wander in and eat up your bounty (in this case time)...finding a balance between free flow, trusting intuition to pull one toward what feels most urgent (delicious?) and staying on task (though not STUCK or mindlessly caught in the rushing flood of creative energy)...aligning the plants in their rows, weeding out what is unessential so as not to choke out what you've planted...this is not an easy thing for anyone.

    A client and I were discussing just this, this morning...she had an image of a screen door in her mind...allowing light and breath to flow in and out, but still a boundary, a limitation of what could and could not enter.

    Ok, wow, I've rambled...I guess it is just what is on my heart today.

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  26. and a lovely ramble it is! I love the gentleness of it. I love the image of the screen door. and it is a matter of reassessing and reorienting as we go along, isn't it. sometimes the screen door creaks open and we need to pull it shut a little, sometimes we need to open it and get a little more air and space. thanks so much for sharing these gentle thoughts on "boundary". ah the rabbits of the mind!

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