Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Who Do You Think You Are vs Who You Are

work in progress
It is obvious that a thought about your mother is not your mother ( I borrowed this line from a wonderful Dharma talk by Howard Cohn).  But somehow it is less obvious to us that "who we think we are", is not who we are.  In a way this is related the "the straight jacket of insecurity" that I wrote about here because who we think we are is mostly less than we really are.  Cohn talks about this "personality view" that we have of ourselves and how it tends to be slightly (or not so slightly) on the mean side.

Think about it for a minute.  Think about how you normally see yourself.  Do you see yourself as a clutz, a poor public speaker, slightly lazy, not very focused, depressed?  Chances are the picture we generally snap of ourselves tends to be on the negative side.  It encompasses things others have said to us, what we've implied from looks and comments, our judgements of ourselves when things don't go the way we want and a multitude of things.

We are in fact much more than we could ever see from our vantage point.  We are like shadows standing in our own light.  We encompass both wholesome and unwholesome qualities which create a much larger picture than we ever focus on.

Since our "personality view" is likely flawed, and small, like a tight, slightly wart covered halloween costume, maybe we should just give it up, let it go.  Since we like to wrap things in little packages and have been doing this forever and a lifetime, it may not fly off instantly into the stratosphere.  But maybe, just maybe we should lighten up a bit and give it a little help.  Perhaps every time we think we know who we are and how we operate, maybe we could just let that float away like a kid's lost balloon.  Maybe after we have filled up the stratosphere with lost balloons about ourselves we will be free to be whoever we authentically are in the moment.

It's not about getting newer and shinier balloons, that say we're stellar, it's about letting our real self just be, that interesting, quirky, human self.  We don't need to be anyone.  We don't need to be any way.  What our soul really longs for is to be free,  free from who we think we are.

18 comments:

  1. lighten up and let who we think we know we are float away. i like that. my fav movie, or one of, is the Red Balloon. floating off into the stratosphere. your painting in process look interesting. have fun. suki

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  2. Isn't it wonderful that we're *not* who we *think* we are! - that quirky human character with that straight jacket on... What a relief! We can breathe! And yes, we are both shadow and light - all inclusive.

    And if I may take a little risk here and just say: Maybe we just need to simply look inside and see who's there looking out from behind the mask of the "personality." As the Zen saying goes - "keep stepping back until you step back into what's looking through your eyes." I have to keep remembering to do this! And every time I do it's freeing... :)

    Humbly - Christine

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  3. "We are designed to project onto others the qualities we can't see in ourselves. It's not a bad thing. We all do it all the time. Projection is an involuntary defense mechanism of the ego; instead of acknowledging the qualities in us that we dislike, we project them onto someone else." Debbie Ford "The Shadow Effect" I read this the other day and it seemed to fit what you have posted here. Synchronicity I guess.

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  4. suki- The Red Balloon, I don't know that one, will have to check it out. Working on the puzzle of composition on this piece, it's changed already.

    mystic - agreed! who I think I am is not at all helpful! Stepping back, yes, now I have to make sure I don't tumble into a hole!

    Teri - yes, this makes sense. good to shine the light of awareness on it all. I do love it when synchronistic things happen.

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  5. Love this. But it's particularly hard to remember in close family situations where it's likely that parents or siblings need to believe you are a certain way, always. Those encounters can be disorienting for both parties. At least it is for me. Painfully so. I don't have time to waste feeling upset. My mother is 85 now and I feel an urgency to let go and Be compassion for her every chance I get. I don't know how I will get along without her to talk to (or rather, listen to). I think it's because we love. And loving hurts. Sigh. Guess that's attachment. So what. Still hurts. That's life.

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  6. The Red Balloon is a french children's movie.

    as they say in Shambala training, "Don't believe your thoughts."

    teri, interesting about projection. have read a lot about it, Jungian disciples etc and may have even read Ford's book. Fascinating stuff and yet isnt sometimes something just what it is? Rather than necessarily a projection.? a great juicy topic for discussion.

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  7. Interesting and so true, we see the stuff we label as bad always and I think it may be a Western thing. Apparently, the Dalai Lama could not understand how our Western minds are so negative because he thought that believing in Buddha nature would give us more self compassion. Perhaps it is our competitive upbringing?

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  8. Kris - I love this "I don't have time waste being upset" reminds me of the Buddhist idea if someone insults you that's that, but each time we bring it to mind again, is another insult.

    Suki - thanks! and yes projection is a big juicy topic! Another good reason to look inward and ask "what's that all about" when we get into sticky situations in relationship with others.

    RH - I remember the story of the Dalai Lama and at first I believe he said he didn't think this was very common. He was astounded when he asked the room and most put up their hand. So, yes we have some strange penchant for not embracing ourselves here in the west. A complex subject I think.

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  9. this is a fabulous post! thank you so much for sharing - an idea to be worked on and then worked on some more xo

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  10. Every time I read your blog, I have stuff to think about for the rest of the week! And all the comments are so good and spot on. I have been mulling over time + worry + insecurity lately. Meaning...I don't have time for either but, still catch myself doing and giving way too much power and belief in both. Does this make sense? Good stuff lady!

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  11. Wouldn't this be a good topic to discuss over a meal with all you bloggers! Thank you Carole for another thoughtful post.

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  12. Jeane - yes, just the way you work on your beautiful paintings, with such vigour and interest.

    Mary - "giving away too much power" yes, so easy to do. good thing to notice as we go about our daily life, it can happen in a thousand small ways that add up.

    Carole - yes, that would be so much fun, to chew on this (among other tasty treats) over dinner. Throw in some art talk and that would be my idea of a perfect evening!

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  13. I am not self improvement project. Who I am is bigger/better than I think. Good thoughts. Thanks.

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  14. Yes, it get's ticklish, doesn't it? The seemingly harmless, even desirable aim to improve the self. But when does it become a subtle (or not so subtle) act of aggression?

    I am loving this conversation. Everyone brings a different facet of the jewel to light!

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  15. Now I know why I got up a bit early this morning. Thank you!

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  16. This was amazing to consider, as I occasionally still trip up on personal labels... especially those I sometimes impose on myself. I know when I drop the labels and hang ups the freedom is there. Bringing forth my inner truth has been a big focus for me this year. The competitive hang ups of our Western culture does little to help us...haha...

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  17. Lisa- I love the feeling of getting up early! Thanks for your kindness.

    Tracy- It has been great to watch you bring forth your "inner truth" and your ability to do this has been impressive! I think those "competitive hang-ups" provide us with a lifetime of practice! It's so easy for these things to just slip by the radar because they are so ingrained into habit.

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  18. "We are like shadows standing in our own light. "
    I love that line. These are words I'm keeping in mind for those cloudy days.

    And I always enjoy a glimpse into your wip art works.

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