Thursday, March 11, 2010

Groundlessness Hog Day

You've heard of ground hog's day? Well it's ground lessness hog day out here on the prairie. That's me out there in the wide expanses of dry brown grass, quivering nervously. Today I awoke to a deep sense of discomfort. Eek I am burrowless. No where to pop my head back into when I do or don't see my shadow.

My first inclination was to look for a cause. Sort of like looking for the shadow? How much longer is wintery discomfort going to last? And then instead of going shadow hunting I decided I would just be the furry little creature without the burrow. I stood up on my hind legs and sniffed the air, in a prairie dog sort of way. What's up out here?

And what was on the wind was a sense of vulnerability, of openness to the energy of anything that might come my way. No burrow to dive into for respite, no home to retreat to, no living room, no bedroom of safety and sanctuary. Terror, fear struck my quivering little nose.

I remembered my homeless friend and sniffed the sense of what it must be like to always be available to others in this way. I could see that we weren't that different, me hugging the walls of my home, her clinging to her camper van.

And so that was the experience of the day, of wanting to hide and not being able to, of simply staying with the discomfort and not trying to rationalize, explain it, or make it better. Today is groundlessness hog day for me I will just burrow a little deeper into my practice. And there is always tomorrow.

11 comments:

  1. Stumbled across your blog and enjoyed your writing style. Your pictures tell good stories and invite me in. I see your artistic nature reflected in them. Most of all, the day to day discipline of mindfulness resonates with me. The flow that we sometimes see as not flowing well at all. (Oh yes it's life.) I will be checking in periodically.
    I also have a blog http://the-third-ear-the-eleventh-finger.blogspot.com about uncertainty, perception, and joyful living.

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  2. Thanks to you both for stopping by! Hannorah I tried to find you at this address but couldn't??? Love to stop by for a visit.

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  3. I totally get this grounlessness hog day experience...I am dwelling in this same mental space lately...being the furry, confused creature...at the same time my exposure feels more like its to the shadows and not the light...like hiding within myself(?)...It's confusing...and when I am in the light exposed to others I feel quite certain my fur isn't on straight and everyone is staring at me and my wonky fur coat.

    Is this wide open room above your new digs? If so, wow...I could hide quite nicely in that burrow!

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  4. I can so relate to this. The need for security for brick and mortar dwelling, and a life 'well set'. And I can also appreciate your ability to find comfort in the home inside, that which no one can take away, and the ultimate refuge ultimately. Love how you write, so real, and from the heart.

    May you continue to find joy in your practice,

    marguerite

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  5. I went on a retreat for a few years. It was very very challenging and groundless. it has changed my life beyond imagination and I would highly recommend anyone to leave their comfort zone and live like Milarepa.I realised that I am always on retreat now. It never leaves you.Well done and good luck.

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  6. sorry you are feeling a bit groundless - but your anchor and comfort is in your home- your refuge.
    best wishes

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  7. I feel the *rawness* of your vulnerability with no place to "hide" in how you describe your experience - the total exposure to the elements of groundless living. It scares me too just thinking about it! Wishing you the comfort and protection of the loving hearts that hold you here till you can settle into your new abode/cave :) Christine

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